Dissection of a potential pedophile on Roissy blog

Most of you know I'm a fan of the blog Heartiste, formerly knows as Chateau Renegade, formerly known as Roissy in DC.  I prefer Roissy for short.   It's changed drastically since I first arrived in early 09'.  It's rumoured or maybe even stated that its written by more than one author for example.  Roissy has a unique writing style - cutting deep and yet funny at the same time - hard to do, and I believe some of the newer posts fall short of that mark.  I had fallen off the Roissy wagon when my own job became demanding and I had an internet stalker issue (not going into detail), I needed to lay low.  When I peeked back in from time to time I could see that many of the commenters from days of yore had left, or maybe like me just lurked from time to time.

I don't know what precipitated the large exodus from the site, I don't know if it happened in little bits or all at once.  There were still enough people about that I recognized I arrived at the right place.  I made a comment here or there and was recognized as an old timer by a few, but most had no clue it had been too long.  I was still offered the same respect I had when I left, mostly because I make very few waves, and treat other respectfully.  My mama always told me you get what you give.  

I noticed a proliferation of female commenters who seemed to be flooding the comments with their own take on relationships, not inherently wrong, but distracting because I feel the blog's focus was being lost. I wrote about that here.   I enjoyed hearing what men have to say about their experiences with women, I enjoy knowing that men want to know who to attract women, and I enjoyed learning about what men like in women.  It's been very helpful to me personally.  The blog comments had shifted from this focus and were flame wars between men and women commenters - a little annoying.  

I rarely call anyone out or make comments on the site, I have to be moved significantly to do so.  Recently I called Nicole out, a regular commenter, asking her why she hadn't lost significant weight if what she claimed was true - men don't find fat appealing.  She had been dieting back in 09' and I thought had a good handle on what not to eat, she touted it.  Yet here it is two years later, she's still on the site, claiming her obesity.  Why?  She answered me back but didn't address my question.  I didn't respond back because it was evident she wanted to engage in a fight.  Not my interest.  (I called a notorious girl commenter out in 09' as well, seeing right away what she was up to, unfortunately that one got out of hand...interesting times)

I waded into it over the weekend.  Xsplat, a 45 year old fellow living in Indonesia with a young gf, very, very regularily comments about Game.  Fine, that's what the site is about. However, he's made no bones about the fact he finds very young girls, 11 and up, sexually attractive.  Last week he posted a video of a young TV show girl who he says many men find sexually appealing.  I watched the video and it made me sick.  She looks maybe 11 or 12, but is made up to look like an 8 year old, very child like. (picture link below in Spiralina comment, you'll know what I mean if you click it...yeah). The video has strong sexual overtones, because it was mashed up to have a rock band playing throughout the video while she baked cookies and at the end white cookie dough sprayed around the kitchen like it was the last scene in a porno shoot.  I'm sure you get the drift.  It was gross.  I'm sexually open, not ultra conservative, however using child like children in sexual situations is disgusting.  

Xsplat is taking a lot of heat on the Heartiste blog over the weekend.  What may or may not be trolls, perhaps even regular readers with false monikers are giving him the gears, and calling him nasty things like pedo in order to shame him.  I in my infinite wisdom decided to add my own two cents.  I rarely feel the need but for some reason was prompted.  The trolls were trolls but there was truth in what they were saying, or at least that's how it resonated with me.  I didn't address the ickyness of the young girls to begin with, I focused on the purpose of the blog, which is to learn Game.  Read the following comments below and you'll get the idea.

I think what we're witnessing is public shaming of a man. Some of the commenters are harsh and cruel, others like mine and Bright Stormy Day are trying to be reasonable and thoughtful in our approach.  He claims it's all jealousy and that the trolls are all the same person.  Only one or two commenters have risen to his defence which I think is telling.  Most are staying silent on the subject.  We shall see what unfolds I suppose.

To get the whole thing go here.  

I wrote this to Xsplat in a comment:

God help me I’m wading in. I would advise a day or two to think about what’s been written and ask yourself why the hate is levelled against you. Where there’s smoke there’s fire. You may be deluding yourself into thinking these guys are jealous. Don’t reject out of hand what some are trying to tell you. I have wondered myself why you are on this site so much if you have so much access to ahem…young pussy. (feels weird writing it)

Everyone has a purpose for being here and as you pointed out to me the other day, I have been respectful of the purpose. You’ve been successful in your part of the world, but most aren’t living there and the rules don’t apply the same way. Applying your alpha-cred to a Western world doesn’t work. If you were to come back and work your knowledge and achieve success you’d gain more points. I know that’s not your plan, nor do you want it to be right?

I have not one hateful bone in my body for you, but I implore you to think about what’s been said and weigh it for truth.

As FP says

mout

I received this comment from Xsplat in response:

Hi Aeffe,

If you can point to any piece of my relationship that is not cross-culturally applicable, please do so.

I’ve given countless pieces of advice – so if your idea is correct, this should be an easy task.

Where I responded:

It’s not so much what you proffer its what you offer. You are living in a country where a major economic gap exists between Westerners and locals, not to mention the culture when it comes to male and female dynamics. You talk like you have the answers, however when you claim your own situation is relevant that becomes the issue. You know the theory of game, there isn’t any doubt – you live her on this site and have for a long time. What sticks in people’s craw is how you act like you are the epitome of successful game while fellows here don’t believe you’ve actually had to use it.

Do you see what I’m trying to say?

Then Cadnerd wrote about me:

It’s a straw man, made of circular “reasoning”. Only likes like aoefe eats it up. She’s after all a girl, a keen observer of fashions or fads that seem to have some form of social capital–3 or so people gung on xsplat, so it must be true what they are saying.

And I wrote back to Cadnerd:

I think you got me, I thought this WAS the fashion site! What was I thinking? Personally I think it took a bit of courage to wade in with some thoughts on the matter. I think perhaps my own thoughts took a turn with the discussion of 11 year old bodies the other day. I confess it grossed me out – and maybe that’s why I identified with his detractors. I have NO idea if gaming women is easier here or there, I don’t game women. I was pointing out how he comes across may make it harder to be believable is all. Hardly jumping on the social band wagon. But I’m a mere girl and what do I know. ;)

Frankly it’s none of my business, I’ll own that, but we’re here spewing all of our little anecdotes and it’s only right to expect opinions.

I think the commenter Spiralina summed it best for me:

 I would argue that some of the hate directed at you has to do with comments you’ve made on this blog. You have a well-documented sexual preference for tiny, childlike women, as well as incest fantasies during sex. These two aren’t necessarily concerning on their own, but several days ago you stated a sexual attraction to 11-14 year old girls. You also mentioned the attractiveness of an 11-year-old Indonesian pop star, and waxed on about the “hotness” of this character:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Stephanie_1.jpg

There’s nothing wrong with preferring younger partners (or Asian women for that matter) but there’s a line between young women and actual children, and you’ve blurred it with your own comments. Frankly you sound like a pedophile, and that may be where some of the “weird creepy old sex tourist” vitriol is coming from. But sure, if it makes you feel better to call it jealousy, go with that.

I will leave you with Xsplats's view:

While I get it that I’ve been posting too much, even with all the recent hate, I’ve received many times more positive feedback. I can’t count how many times people have said “golden, brilliant, insightful”, etc. Some people have said they routinely scroll down to read my posts. I’ve received very positive feedback from dozens and dozens of people here, and on probably hundreds of posts.

When there was a feedback system, my posts nearly all got noticeably high marks.

A few cranky cranks are nothing but that.

Dissection of a potential pedophile on Roissy blog

Most of you know I'm a fan of the blog Heartiste, formerly knows as Chateau Renegade, formerly known as Roissy in DC.  I prefer Roissy for short.   It's changed drastically since I first arrived in early 09'.  It's rumoured or maybe even stated that its written by more than one author for example.  Roissy has a unique writing style - cutting deep and yet funny at the same time - hard to do, and I believe some of the newer posts fall short of that mark.  I had fallen off the Roissy wagon when my own job became demanding and I had an internet stalker issue (not going into detail), I needed to lay low.  When I peeked back in from time to time I could see that many of the commenters from days of yore had left, or maybe like me just lurked from time to time.

I don't know what precipitated the large exodus from the site, I don't know if it happened in little bits or all at once.  There were still enough people about that I recognized I arrived at the right place.  I made a comment here or there and was recognized as an old timer by a few, but most had no clue it had been too long.  I was still offered the same respect I had when I left, mostly because I make very few waves, and treat other respectfully.  My mama always told me you get what you give.  

I noticed a proliferation of female commenters who seemed to be flooding the comments with their own take on relationships, not inherently wrong, but distracting because I feel the blog's focus was being lost. I wrote about that here.   I enjoyed hearing what men have to say about their experiences with women, I enjoy knowing that men want to know who to attract women, and I enjoyed learning about what men like in women.  It's been very helpful to me personally.  The blog comments had shifted from this focus and were flame wars between men and women commenters - a little annoying.  

I rarely call anyone out or make comments on the site, I have to be moved significantly to do so.  Recently I called Nicole out, a regular commenter, asking her why she hadn't lost significant weight if what she claimed was true - men don't find fat appealing.  She had been dieting back in 09' and I thought had a good handle on what not to eat, she touted it.  Yet here it is two years later, she's still on the site, claiming her obesity.  Why?  She answered me back but didn't address my question.  I didn't respond back because it was evident she wanted to engage in a fight.  Not my interest.  (I called a notorious girl commenter out in 09' as well, seeing right away what she was up to, unfortunately that one got out of hand...interesting times)

I waded into it over the weekend.  Xsplat, a 45 year old fellow living in Indonesia with a young gf, very, very regularily comments about Game.  Fine, that's what the site is about. However, he's made no bones about the fact he finds very young girls, 11 and up, sexually attractive.  Last week he posted a video of a young TV show girl who he says many men find sexually appealing.  I watched the video and it made me sick.  She looks maybe 11 or 12, but is made up to look like an 8 year old, very child like. (picture link below in Spiralina comment, you'll know what I mean if you click it...yeah). The video has strong sexual overtones, because it was mashed up to have a rock band playing throughout the video while she baked cookies and at the end white cookie dough sprayed around the kitchen like it was the last scene in a porno shoot.  I'm sure you get the drift.  It was gross.  I'm sexually open, not ultra conservative, however using child like children in sexual situations is disgusting.  

Xsplat is taking a lot of heat on the Heartiste blog over the weekend.  What may or may not be trolls, perhaps even regular readers with false monikers are giving him the gears, and calling him nasty things like pedo in order to shame him.  I in my infinite wisdom decided to add my own two cents.  I rarely feel the need but for some reason was prompted.  The trolls were trolls but there was truth in what they were saying, or at least that's how it resonated with me.  I didn't address the ickyness of the young girls to begin with, I focused on the purpose of the blog, which is to learn Game.  Read the following comments below and you'll get the idea.

I think what we're witnessing is public shaming of a man. Some of the commenters are harsh and cruel, others like mine and Bright Stormy Day are trying to be reasonable and thoughtful in our approach.  He claims it's all jealousy and that the trolls are all the same person.  Only one or two commenters have risen to his defence which I think is telling.  Most are staying silent on the subject.  We shall see what unfolds I suppose.

To get the whole thing go here.  

I wrote this to Xsplat in a comment:

God help me I’m wading in. I would advise a day or two to think about what’s been written and ask yourself why the hate is levelled against you. Where there’s smoke there’s fire. You may be deluding yourself into thinking these guys are jealous. Don’t reject out of hand what some are trying to tell you. I have wondered myself why you are on this site so much if you have so much access to ahem…young pussy. (feels weird writing it)

Everyone has a purpose for being here and as you pointed out to me the other day, I have been respectful of the purpose. You’ve been successful in your part of the world, but most aren’t living there and the rules don’t apply the same way. Applying your alpha-cred to a Western world doesn’t work. If you were to come back and work your knowledge and achieve success you’d gain more points. I know that’s not your plan, nor do you want it to be right?

I have not one hateful bone in my body for you, but I implore you to think about what’s been said and weigh it for truth.

As FP says

mout

I received this comment from Xsplat in response:

Hi Aeffe,

If you can point to any piece of my relationship that is not cross-culturally applicable, please do so.

I’ve given countless pieces of advice – so if your idea is correct, this should be an easy task.

Where I responded:

It’s not so much what you proffer its what you offer. You are living in a country where a major economic gap exists between Westerners and locals, not to mention the culture when it comes to male and female dynamics. You talk like you have the answers, however when you claim your own situation is relevant that becomes the issue. You know the theory of game, there isn’t any doubt – you live her on this site and have for a long time. What sticks in people’s craw is how you act like you are the epitome of successful game while fellows here don’t believe you’ve actually had to use it.

Do you see what I’m trying to say?

Then Cadnerd wrote about me:

It’s a straw man, made of circular “reasoning”. Only likes like aoefe eats it up. She’s after all a girl, a keen observer of fashions or fads that seem to have some form of social capital–3 or so people gung on xsplat, so it must be true what they are saying.

And I wrote back to Cadnerd:

I think you got me, I thought this WAS the fashion site! What was I thinking? Personally I think it took a bit of courage to wade in with some thoughts on the matter. I think perhaps my own thoughts took a turn with the discussion of 11 year old bodies the other day. I confess it grossed me out – and maybe that’s why I identified with his detractors. I have NO idea if gaming women is easier here or there, I don’t game women. I was pointing out how he comes across may make it harder to be believable is all. Hardly jumping on the social band wagon. But I’m a mere girl and what do I know. ;)

Frankly it’s none of my business, I’ll own that, but we’re here spewing all of our little anecdotes and it’s only right to expect opinions.

I think the commenter Spiralina summed it best for me:

 I would argue that some of the hate directed at you has to do with comments you’ve made on this blog. You have a well-documented sexual preference for tiny, childlike women, as well as incest fantasies during sex. These two aren’t necessarily concerning on their own, but several days ago you stated a sexual attraction to 11-14 year old girls. You also mentioned the attractiveness of an 11-year-old Indonesian pop star, and waxed on about the “hotness” of this character:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Stephanie_1.jpg

There’s nothing wrong with preferring younger partners (or Asian women for that matter) but there’s a line between young women and actual children, and you’ve blurred it with your own comments. Frankly you sound like a pedophile, and that may be where some of the “weird creepy old sex tourist” vitriol is coming from. But sure, if it makes you feel better to call it jealousy, go with that.

I will leave you with Xsplats's view:

While I get it that I’ve been posting too much, even with all the recent hate, I’ve received many times more positive feedback. I can’t count how many times people have said “golden, brilliant, insightful”, etc. Some people have said they routinely scroll down to read my posts. I’ve received very positive feedback from dozens and dozens of people here, and on probably hundreds of posts.

When there was a feedback system, my posts nearly all got noticeably high marks.

A few cranky cranks are nothing but that.

Those were the old days at Roissy's - when women behaved...

I don't want to make this comment at Chateau Roissy/Heartiste because of the potential for perceived comments saying I'm just like the rest of the female herd so why am I complaining.  However, I want to say this, there is waaaay too much female talk over there now.  I don't read over there to find out about stuff I already know - cycles and sex drive!  Come on women, get the hell off the blog if you're not interested in learning about men.  Some women are so intent on throwing out all their own anecdotes and some of them starting flame wars with guys.  Do I need to know you've had three babies and get horny for your husband and rush to put kids to be so you can fuck him?  Don't get me wrong, I don't add much to the conversation, I'm fluff over there.  My practice is to lurk much more than I comment, but I like throwing in a slice of aoefe humour from time to time and if I feel my own experience may be relevant or I need help about a dating situation I'll ask.  I think I get relatively  low (very low) haters because they know my intent is not to harm or be an incessant attention whore.

In the blogs heyday and for the record it's not now, there were women commenters for sure, but they were schooled by the host if they stepped out of line.  Not much was tolerated without a dose of shame being sent our way.  There was female camaraderie but we knew NOT to monopolize the conversation by bantering with each other.  Many of us became friends off that board, but we talked in private emails, not in open comments.  Heck we even started our own Girl Game blog - now on hiatus but still.  One female, who shall remain nameless, tried wrecking the entire blog and nearly succeeded because of her idiocy and she's very proud for having done it.  The fact that the blog is now what it is, is proof to me that Roissy no longer cares or is involved daily with what's happening.  His moving it without notice may have been to shake loose some of the people who are messing it up, the trolls.  I was gamed on the blog, I was brought into line by 'real' alpha males, guys, get your alpha on and deal with them!  Ignore, ignore, ignore...be aloof, neg (not bomb).  Here's your chance to practice what you're learning.  Calm those beotches done...come on show us what you got!

Perhaps some men are enjoying what's happening and like the women commenters, I don't have that feeling though.  I think this women's take-over is one more frustration frustrated men have to deal with.  I don't plan to stop visiting and I will make comments from time to time, when I make them I will do them in a spirit of fun most of the time.  I should point out then when I go into blast mode at Heartiste (hate the name),  it's always against a woman.  The Evil who shall remain nameless got both barrels from me, good, well placed bullets and they struck appropriately.  When I see women who hate on other women out of judgement, this deserves it too, because I for the most part believe women, like men, need to support each other.  Just not on a man's forum.

My two cents.

Those were the old days at Roissy's - when women behaved...

I don't want to make this comment at Chateau Roissy/Heartiste because of the potential for perceived comments saying I'm just like the rest of the female herd so why am I complaining.  However, I want to say this, there is waaaay too much female talk over there now.  I don't read over there to find out about stuff I already know - cycles and sex drive!  Come on women, get the hell off the blog if you're not interested in learning about men.  Some women are so intent on throwing out all their own anecdotes and some of them starting flame wars with guys.  Do I need to know you've had three babies and get horny for your husband and rush to put kids to be so you can fuck him?  Don't get me wrong, I don't add much to the conversation, I'm fluff over there.  My practice is to lurk much more than I comment, but I like throwing in a slice of aoefe humour from time to time and if I feel my own experience may be relevant or I need help about a dating situation I'll ask.  I think I get relatively  low (very low) haters because they know my intent is not to harm or be an incessant attention whore.

In the blogs heyday and for the record it's not now, there were women commenters for sure, but they were schooled by the host if they stepped out of line.  Not much was tolerated without a dose of shame being sent our way.  There was female camaraderie but we knew NOT to monopolize the conversation by bantering with each other.  Many of us became friends off that board, but we talked in private emails, not in open comments.  Heck we even started our own Girl Game blog - now on hiatus but still.  One female, who shall remain nameless, tried wrecking the entire blog and nearly succeeded because of her idiocy and she's very proud for having done it.  The fact that the blog is now what it is, is proof to me that Roissy no longer cares or is involved daily with what's happening.  His moving it without notice may have been to shake loose some of the people who are messing it up, the trolls.  I was gamed on the blog, I was brought into line by 'real' alpha males, guys, get your alpha on and deal with them!  Ignore, ignore, ignore...be aloof, neg (not bomb).  Here's your chance to practice what you're learning.  Calm those beotches done...come on show us what you got!

Perhaps some men are enjoying what's happening and like the women commenters, I don't have that feeling though.  I think this women's take-over is one more frustration frustrated men have to deal with.  I don't plan to stop visiting and I will make comments from time to time, when I make them I will do them in a spirit of fun most of the time.  I should point out then when I go into blast mode at Heartiste (hate the name),  it's always against a woman.  The Evil who shall remain nameless got both barrels from me, good, well placed bullets and they struck appropriately.  When I see women who hate on other women out of judgement, this deserves it too, because I for the most part believe women, like men, need to support each other.  Just not on a man's forum.

My two cents.

Sex with other women

I'll start by saying I have no clear way in my mind as to how to write this post.  I know what I'm thinking but without doing a lengthy history of conversations had at Roissy there will be little context.  So I'll simply say this, I have said that I would understand if my future mate had women on the side because I understood men's need for variety.   Now that I'm in a serious relationship which could be a very long term situation I'm questioning myself, actually testing my emotions and my intellect to see if I was being truthful.

I understand the biological need men have for variety.  I also understand men's attraction to vibrant, healthy, fertile females.  I believe men can compartmentalize better than women and have the potential to have an emotional connection with one woman and sex with others.  But...how would I feel if my man had sex with other women?

I love this man.  The more I know him and spend time with him the deeper I fall.  I have been very choosy and feel it's paid off because this man is amazing.  He's not amazing as in sweep me off my feet charm, or because he's model gorgeous.  He's a real man.  He's a man of character and quiet presence, a man who has very similar values and a wicked sense of humour.  He loves me.  He recognizes in me what I see in him - it's a connection that we both feel very lucky to have found.  

He is a sexual man.  I am a sexual woman.  He would say sensual, but I am crasser I suppose.  He has had a lot of women, and doesn't brag, it just is.  He never talks poorly of ex's or women he's played with (his words), he loves women.  It's important to him that his partner is sexual/sensual, it was a must on both of our lists.  But...how would I feel if my man had sex with another woman?

I am not the jealous type.  If a man wants to be with someone else he has the option, but the option was he would lose me - done dealee-o-so.  I wouldn't be dramatic or beg, I get it, there are other options out there.  He told me once that I never have to worry about him cheating, he knows what he has and the temptation of pleasure with someone else was not worth it to lose me.  Of course I didn't go into any discussion about what I think about - could I accept a man's need for variety if it was him and I.

I am monogamous, I love my man and being a woman if you've found a guy like this you feel lucky.  Women don't entertain cheating on a man who gives them the tingles.  He's fiercely independent and non-needy, if I played games with him, he'd go.  He's not into drama or chaos or shit tests.  I've learned a lot about myself hearing men talk about women at Roissy's place and I think it's done this relationship a world of good.  I have honestly looked at my annoying, over-thinking, shit testing traits and now make sure I don't bring them to his attention.  I think it makes me a bit mysterious to him, I'm not like other women he thinks.  Oh, yes, I, am.  I just know better.  

I'm uncertain as to how any discussion would go regarding him having sex with other women.  I think he'd be weirded out and feel I've lost my mind.  He loves me, and feels monogamy is a commitment to prove it.  Perhaps it is.  I love him enough to question it...

Sex with other women

I'll start by saying I have no clear way in my mind as to how to write this post.  I know what I'm thinking but without doing a lengthy history of conversations had at Roissy there will be little context.  So I'll simply say this, I have said that I would understand if my future mate had women on the side because I understood men's need for variety.   Now that I'm in a serious relationship which could be a very long term situation I'm questioning myself, actually testing my emotions and my intellect to see if I was being truthful.

I understand the biological need men have for variety.  I also understand men's attraction to vibrant, healthy, fertile females.  I believe men can compartmentalize better than women and have the potential to have an emotional connection with one woman and sex with others.  But...how would I feel if my man had sex with other women?

I love this man.  The more I know him and spend time with him the deeper I fall.  I have been very choosy and feel it's paid off because this man is amazing.  He's not amazing as in sweep me off my feet charm, or because he's model gorgeous.  He's a real man.  He's a man of character and quiet presence, a man who has very similar values and a wicked sense of humour.  He loves me.  He recognizes in me what I see in him - it's a connection that we both feel very lucky to have found.  

He is a sexual man.  I am a sexual woman.  He would say sensual, but I am crasser I suppose.  He has had a lot of women, and doesn't brag, it just is.  He never talks poorly of ex's or women he's played with (his words), he loves women.  It's important to him that his partner is sexual/sensual, it was a must on both of our lists.  But...how would I feel if my man had sex with another woman?

I am not the jealous type.  If a man wants to be with someone else he has the option, but the option was he would lose me - done dealee-o-so.  I wouldn't be dramatic or beg, I get it, there are other options out there.  He told me once that I never have to worry about him cheating, he knows what he has and the temptation of pleasure with someone else was not worth it to lose me.  Of course I didn't go into any discussion about what I think about - could I accept a man's need for variety if it was him and I.

I am monogamous, I love my man and being a woman if you've found a guy like this you feel lucky.  Women don't entertain cheating on a man who gives them the tingles.  He's fiercely independent and non-needy, if I played games with him, he'd go.  He's not into drama or chaos or shit tests.  I've learned a lot about myself hearing men talk about women at Roissy's place and I think it's done this relationship a world of good.  I have honestly looked at my annoying, over-thinking, shit testing traits and now make sure I don't bring them to his attention.  I think it makes me a bit mysterious to him, I'm not like other women he thinks.  Oh, yes, I, am.  I just know better.  

I'm uncertain as to how any discussion would go regarding him having sex with other women.  I think he'd be weirded out and feel I've lost my mind.  He loves me, and feels monogamy is a commitment to prove it.  Perhaps it is.  I love him enough to question it...

The Serious Seducer and Me

1. N/A commented to me at Roissy's,  on the post The Subtle Heartbreak of Female Aging.  

   
   

   aoefe,

   Your situation is interesting. You’ve lived by your looks. You’re intelligent, feminine, exhibitionist, and vain. And of a certain age.

   In short, a perfect target for a serious seducer. Especially if your current “love” is close to your age. It’s very easy to use a woman like yourself, because, although you’re still desirable, you’ve entered into what I call the age of gratitude.

   A seducer senses this and exploits it. Take careful stock of your current man. Unless he is a good deal older, he’s holding all the cards. Don’t let “love” blind you to the realities of the sexual market.

   I give you this warning free gratis and for nothing because your response to the ludicrously ill-named beautiful was exceptionally fine.

   
   

    I don't think it's smart to be stupid and if I've been blind it's nice to have someone turn on a light.  I appreciate comments like this because it allows me to reflect and analyze.  

   In this case after looking it I don't believe he's right but I think he's bang on when he suggests it could be.  Women of 'a certain age', (wow that sounds OLD!), can become more grateful for attention because they know they've passed their prime years.  I've seen this happen with my friends who once married, dump their hubbies and then hook up/shack up with Mr. Loser because he pays attention to them.  They are willing to overlook glaring flaws in order to feel special even if it's fleeting.  I have a relatively small sample size in my own life because most of my friends and family are married and remain so.  Only two friends have left mates and both of those shacked up within 30 days of their announcements and quite frankly I think they're making mistakes.  The men weren't in their lives prior FYI.  

   When I look at my current situation and examine it with the literally dozens of men I've met and the very few I considered for a relationship I realize I've been very choosy and it would take a serious deviation from my normal good judgement for me to fall with a heavy duty seducer who wanted to take advantage of me.  I have never begrudged my single hood and have often been the centre of attention (I love that seat!) with others who have loved living vicariously through me.  I've also enjoyed writing about the experiences and have wondered from time to time if I'm more invested in the 'story' than the goal of meeting someone special.  Point is I'm okay being by myself and don't think a serious seducer could make me feel grateful.  I may in fact be too narcissistic for it.  I feel special.  I feel like he has gained something.  I feel like I've gained something.  If I'm grateful its because I've met someone I feel so connected to, who reflects my own values yet is wiser and more grounded than I am.  I'm not grateful to be loved because I feel I'm lovable.  He and I have had honest discussions about our willingness to walk away if drama entered our relationship.  I hate it, so does he.  If I felt for a moment I was being seduced and played, I could walk away and would.  So would he.  We admire that in each other.  

   N/A I've examined what you've said and feel that in this case I'm the exception rather than the rule.  

The Serious Seducer and Me

1. N/A commented to me at Roissy's,  on the post The Subtle Heartbreak of Female Aging.  

   
   

   aoefe,

   Your situation is interesting. You’ve lived by your looks. You’re intelligent, feminine, exhibitionist, and vain. And of a certain age.

   In short, a perfect target for a serious seducer. Especially if your current “love” is close to your age. It’s very easy to use a woman like yourself, because, although you’re still desirable, you’ve entered into what I call the age of gratitude.

   A seducer senses this and exploits it. Take careful stock of your current man. Unless he is a good deal older, he’s holding all the cards. Don’t let “love” blind you to the realities of the sexual market.

   I give you this warning free gratis and for nothing because your response to the ludicrously ill-named beautiful was exceptionally fine.

   
   

    I don't think it's smart to be stupid and if I've been blind it's nice to have someone turn on a light.  I appreciate comments like this because it allows me to reflect and analyze.  

   In this case after looking it I don't believe he's right but I think he's bang on when he suggests it could be.  Women of 'a certain age', (wow that sounds OLD!), can become more grateful for attention because they know they've passed their prime years.  I've seen this happen with my friends who once married, dump their hubbies and then hook up/shack up with Mr. Loser because he pays attention to them.  They are willing to overlook glaring flaws in order to feel special even if it's fleeting.  I have a relatively small sample size in my own life because most of my friends and family are married and remain so.  Only two friends have left mates and both of those shacked up within 30 days of their announcements and quite frankly I think they're making mistakes.  The men weren't in their lives prior FYI.  

   When I look at my current situation and examine it with the literally dozens of men I've met and the very few I considered for a relationship I realize I've been very choosy and it would take a serious deviation from my normal good judgement for me to fall with a heavy duty seducer who wanted to take advantage of me.  I have never begrudged my single hood and have often been the centre of attention (I love that seat!) with others who have loved living vicariously through me.  I've also enjoyed writing about the experiences and have wondered from time to time if I'm more invested in the 'story' than the goal of meeting someone special.  Point is I'm okay being by myself and don't think a serious seducer could make me feel grateful.  I may in fact be too narcissistic for it.  I feel special.  I feel like he has gained something.  I feel like I've gained something.  If I'm grateful its because I've met someone I feel so connected to, who reflects my own values yet is wiser and more grounded than I am.  I'm not grateful to be loved because I feel I'm lovable.  He and I have had honest discussions about our willingness to walk away if drama entered our relationship.  I hate it, so does he.  If I felt for a moment I was being seduced and played, I could walk away and would.  So would he.  We admire that in each other.  

   N/A I've examined what you've said and feel that in this case I'm the exception rather than the rule.  

Meeting Roissy changed my life - True Story!

I'm at a funny crossroads when it comes to this blog.  My purpose for it to date has been to journal my efforts at both finding love and myself.  I started it shortly after 'meeting' Roissy in DC, in May of 2009.  I was reflecting today and feel that if I hadn't have met him I wouldn't have met this wonderful man I'm with.  I have grown both as a person and as a woman these last two years and can weirdly credit Roissy and his posse.  Evolutionary psychology/biology was unknown to me prior for one thing.  It made so much sense when I applied it to my dating history.  Dating after Roissy was quite interesting as I wrestled with being either in the moment or analyzing their behavior and mine.

My physical appearance improved too.  Readers were talking about Paleo and I began being a cave girl in April 2010.  My body has become much more attractive as a result.  I have spent money on interventions as documented on these pages - neck lipo, botox, juvaderm and lip fillers.  I have been willing to invest to keep the markers of youth and it's paid off nicely.  I have been accused both here and in real life of being shallow because I'm not willing to age naturally.  I'm okay with that and have zero regrets.  My career and love life are stronger because I'm smart enough to know looks matter.  Intelligence is at the root of it, not narcissism believe it or not.

My search for Mr. Right may have come to an end, at least I have a very strong and real hope it has, so if that's the case what does this blog become?  I can't blather on forever about how great my love life is, that gets old in two posts.  I have a genuine desire to help others who want to grow, grow.  I believe I'm emotionally mature and have quite a bit of social savvy if not the brightest bulb in the bunch and could give good advice if asked but I don't have enough commenter's to make that work.  What do you dear Readers want from me?  Some of you are saying more HNT's and I agree I should pick that back up.  Some are saying I want more work stories (i.e new company start up) and others are saying...  Let me know.

Meeting Roissy changed my life - True Story!

I'm at a funny crossroads when it comes to this blog.  My purpose for it to date has been to journal my efforts at both finding love and myself.  I started it shortly after 'meeting' Roissy in DC, in May of 2009.  I was reflecting today and feel that if I hadn't have met him I wouldn't have met this wonderful man I'm with.  I have grown both as a person and as a woman these last two years and can weirdly credit Roissy and his posse.  Evolutionary psychology/biology was unknown to me prior for one thing.  It made so much sense when I applied it to my dating history.  Dating after Roissy was quite interesting as I wrestled with being either in the moment or analyzing their behavior and mine.

My physical appearance improved too.  Readers were talking about Paleo and I began being a cave girl in April 2010.  My body has become much more attractive as a result.  I have spent money on interventions as documented on these pages - neck lipo, botox, juvaderm and lip fillers.  I have been willing to invest to keep the markers of youth and it's paid off nicely.  I have been accused both here and in real life of being shallow because I'm not willing to age naturally.  I'm okay with that and have zero regrets.  My career and love life are stronger because I'm smart enough to know looks matter.  Intelligence is at the root of it, not narcissism believe it or not.

My search for Mr. Right may have come to an end, at least I have a very strong and real hope it has, so if that's the case what does this blog become?  I can't blather on forever about how great my love life is, that gets old in two posts.  I have a genuine desire to help others who want to grow, grow.  I believe I'm emotionally mature and have quite a bit of social savvy if not the brightest bulb in the bunch and could give good advice if asked but I don't have enough commenter's to make that work.  What do you dear Readers want from me?  Some of you are saying more HNT's and I agree I should pick that back up.  Some are saying I want more work stories (i.e new company start up) and others are saying...  Let me know.

Love

I'm sure your readers would be really interested to hear about how he ended up capturing your heart so strongly - you're a sharp, attractive, Game-aware woman, so it'd be rather intriguing to hear your insights on what worked and what didn't. I especially like how you pointed out the mix of alpha and beta qualities, and would like to hear more about how that impacts you.


Great questions, thanks Veskrashens journey.  For those of you haven't read my blog before here's a quick synopsis.  Was involved in a serious ltr for many years and met the man when I was 20.  After it ended I took time off from relationships to get better this was a lengthy process.  I've been dating and have had several relationships over the last three years.  No one serious.  Some have been serious about me and would have married me.  Others I could see I would have gotten serious for but they ended it prior to the Love word being shared.  Till now...


When we (current relationship) first met it was physical attraction/chemistry for me.  I don't know what it was but I wanted to keep touching him.  We had wine in a restaurant and he sat beside me in a booth. Ordinarily this would weird me out on a first date but I wanted him near me.  We did not sleep together this night. I don't have 'rules' per se, but I've never been a first nighter chick. Just gotta say I wanted to.  I went home, he went to a friends because he lives out of town.  The next day I asked him if he wanted to do a day trip to the mountains (about 3 hours away).  He answered if it meant more time with me, then great.  He was easy to be with and the chemistry was just as strong as the previous night.  I drove my jeep and he touched me frequently - soft yet knowing touches.  I was turned on.  He started teasing me about an impending storm (there wasn't one) and how it be unsafe to drive home the same day. I knew he wanted to stay overnight.  I went with the joke and said it would be terribly dangerous to drive, needless to say we booked a hotel.  I won't go into detail but honestly best sex ever.  Sexually we are well matched - impossibly high drives combined with open mindedness.  


When I say he's a mix of alpha and beta qualities I mean this.  Alpha - has looks, good job, experience both in life and sexually and could attract women (and has) of any age.  He's also quiet, which makes him a bit of an enigma.  He's distant without being cold/cool about it.  He knows what he wants and would't tolerate drama or bitchyness and yet says this in a way that's not demanding or controlling - just is.  Beta - seeks shared values, tender, looks beyond the physical, expects monogamy on both sides, desires to be passionately in love with the whole person, not just the package.  Allows himself to be vulnerable by being honest about his challenges.  


I wasn't sure at first if this guy was a player.  He seemed too fantasticly matched for me to be real, and reading at Roissy doesn't help honestly.  You get somewhat biased in regards to men's playboy desires and forget that men and women desire love and connection for realz.  Yet I think I've learned a lot from Roissy's blog about what men want.  I've learned not to shit test and to give men their space.  I've learned that my feminine nature is desired and that being good natured is not a bad thing.  I work harder at not over analyzing what's going on in his head and have learned that being patient has won his heart faster than any demands I could have made.  Even in a recent episode where I thought he wasn't interested I didn't go bat shit crazy.  Long story short he was dealing with some pretty crazy life crap unrelated to me and I've learned he withdraws to his man cave to deal with it rather than seek support. Once we were able to talk I told him I understood and I wouldn't pressure him to reveal anymore than he wanted to.  This true support has allowed him to relax and he says his shoulder were able to drop in relief knowing he could share if he chose.  


Today he said one of things he loves about me is I always laugh, even at the annoying things others bitch about.  This is true.  I am a very positive person and see the glass half full pretty much always.  I think this may be a personality trait and one I'm fortunate to have.  That said I've had men in my life who haven't enjoyed that at all.  I think they might have believed I was too easy to please and they wanted more chase than they had to do for me.  Chasing a woman means they have higher value because they've been able to capture the 'prey'.  I don't make men I'm interested in chase me.  I have been choosy, but when I'm interested I have no desire in playing hard to get.  I am the kind of girl who loves to be devoted and am rather service oriented to her man.  Believe it or not men don't always like that. 


I'm a woman newly in love and feeling like shouting it from the mountain tops.  This relationship is only six months strong but he's darn convincing that it will go the distance.  Moving in will be a big step, but for whatever reason I feel it's the right decision.  I've waited a long time to meet the guy who makes me feel this way and I feel I've got enough discernment to judge character and intent.  I'm feeling very fortunate.  It's been worth the journey.  


Side Note:


He knows I write a blog.  He has no interest in reading it, in fact dealt with the news like "ah, cute, she's got a hobby."  I find this attractive too.  He's into me but not soooo into me he needs to know everything about me nor is he jealous others know about me.  He's not on Facebook and has seen mine with barely any attention paid to it. He doesn't care how many friends I have or if past boyfriends are on it.  He's a confident man who trusts in his ability to capture my attention.  He has it. 

Love

I'm sure your readers would be really interested to hear about how he ended up capturing your heart so strongly - you're a sharp, attractive, Game-aware woman, so it'd be rather intriguing to hear your insights on what worked and what didn't. I especially like how you pointed out the mix of alpha and beta qualities, and would like to hear more about how that impacts you.


Great questions, thanks Veskrashens journey.  For those of you haven't read my blog before here's a quick synopsis.  Was involved in a serious ltr for many years and met the man when I was 20.  After it ended I took time off from relationships to get better this was a lengthy process.  I've been dating and have had several relationships over the last three years.  No one serious.  Some have been serious about me and would have married me.  Others I could see I would have gotten serious for but they ended it prior to the Love word being shared.  Till now...


When we (current relationship) first met it was physical attraction/chemistry for me.  I don't know what it was but I wanted to keep touching him.  We had wine in a restaurant and he sat beside me in a booth. Ordinarily this would weird me out on a first date but I wanted him near me.  We did not sleep together this night. I don't have 'rules' per se, but I've never been a first nighter chick. Just gotta say I wanted to.  I went home, he went to a friends because he lives out of town.  The next day I asked him if he wanted to do a day trip to the mountains (about 3 hours away).  He answered if it meant more time with me, then great.  He was easy to be with and the chemistry was just as strong as the previous night.  I drove my jeep and he touched me frequently - soft yet knowing touches.  I was turned on.  He started teasing me about an impending storm (there wasn't one) and how it be unsafe to drive home the same day. I knew he wanted to stay overnight.  I went with the joke and said it would be terribly dangerous to drive, needless to say we booked a hotel.  I won't go into detail but honestly best sex ever.  Sexually we are well matched - impossibly high drives combined with open mindedness.  


When I say he's a mix of alpha and beta qualities I mean this.  Alpha - has looks, good job, experience both in life and sexually and could attract women (and has) of any age.  He's also quiet, which makes him a bit of an enigma.  He's distant without being cold/cool about it.  He knows what he wants and would't tolerate drama or bitchyness and yet says this in a way that's not demanding or controlling - just is.  Beta - seeks shared values, tender, looks beyond the physical, expects monogamy on both sides, desires to be passionately in love with the whole person, not just the package.  Allows himself to be vulnerable by being honest about his challenges.  


I wasn't sure at first if this guy was a player.  He seemed too fantasticly matched for me to be real, and reading at Roissy doesn't help honestly.  You get somewhat biased in regards to men's playboy desires and forget that men and women desire love and connection for realz.  Yet I think I've learned a lot from Roissy's blog about what men want.  I've learned not to shit test and to give men their space.  I've learned that my feminine nature is desired and that being good natured is not a bad thing.  I work harder at not over analyzing what's going on in his head and have learned that being patient has won his heart faster than any demands I could have made.  Even in a recent episode where I thought he wasn't interested I didn't go bat shit crazy.  Long story short he was dealing with some pretty crazy life crap unrelated to me and I've learned he withdraws to his man cave to deal with it rather than seek support. Once we were able to talk I told him I understood and I wouldn't pressure him to reveal anymore than he wanted to.  This true support has allowed him to relax and he says his shoulder were able to drop in relief knowing he could share if he chose.  


Today he said one of things he loves about me is I always laugh, even at the annoying things others bitch about.  This is true.  I am a very positive person and see the glass half full pretty much always.  I think this may be a personality trait and one I'm fortunate to have.  That said I've had men in my life who haven't enjoyed that at all.  I think they might have believed I was too easy to please and they wanted more chase than they had to do for me.  Chasing a woman means they have higher value because they've been able to capture the 'prey'.  I don't make men I'm interested in chase me.  I have been choosy, but when I'm interested I have no desire in playing hard to get.  I am the kind of girl who loves to be devoted and am rather service oriented to her man.  Believe it or not men don't always like that. 


I'm a woman newly in love and feeling like shouting it from the mountain tops.  This relationship is only six months strong but he's darn convincing that it will go the distance.  Moving in will be a big step, but for whatever reason I feel it's the right decision.  I've waited a long time to meet the guy who makes me feel this way and I feel I've got enough discernment to judge character and intent.  I'm feeling very fortunate.  It's been worth the journey.  


Side Note:


He knows I write a blog.  He has no interest in reading it, in fact dealt with the news like "ah, cute, she's got a hobby."  I find this attractive too.  He's into me but not soooo into me he needs to know everything about me nor is he jealous others know about me.  He's not on Facebook and has seen mine with barely any attention paid to it. He doesn't care how many friends I have or if past boyfriends are on it.  He's a confident man who trusts in his ability to capture my attention.  He has it.