Judgment Day 2011; Athletes Who Will Be Left Behind

The End is Near.  No, it's not a proclamation by either the NFL regarding the lockout or the GM of the Phoenix Coyotes on the hockey team's future.   It's the Day of Reckoning for Mankind, so say the lunatic members of a doomsday group who predict the world will cease to exist after the earth is rattled by series of earthquakes and tidal waves tomorrow between 5 and 6 p.m. 

New York City has been plastered with ads warning if the upcoming Apocalypse on Saturday July 21 and how God will only spare those who are pure of heart.

So people, you don't have to fret over overdue library books or the vig to your loan shark.  Go ahead, make that nasty, drunken text to your ex because, after tomorrow, it won't matter.   It'll all be over soon.

This presumed "Rapture" will spare the souls of the pure by whisking them into heaven while the rest of mankind will be left to face their doom on the crumbling earth.  Professional athletes--however adored on earth--are not an exception and some won't be making that trip up to eternal happiness.

I believe the world must be coming to an end because how can you explain Jason Giambi jacking three home-runs the other night.  Who even knew he was still around?

And what about the Cleveland Indians?  Best team in the majors?  Come on. We're talking about Cleveland here.  That's enough evidence for me.

Tomorrow's Doomsday is just more bad luck for Cleveland all around.  The Cavaliers finally get two top-four draft picks to make up for the left-at-the alter move by LeBron James and BOOM!   No more Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or Dawg Pound.  It's over.  If it makes Cavs fans feel any better, James will be one of the fateful ones slated to be left behind--with no championships.

The Apocalypse will bring some good things.  We won't have to wring our hands about the NFL owners and the NFLPA hugging it out.  They're all on God's naughty list anyway.



And no one will have to care which team ends up on HBO's "Hard Knocks" this summer.  It's a moot point now.  Sorry Detroit Lions, you almost had your day in the sun and games on Monday nights.

Jim Tressel, I wouldn't worry about that whole deal about stipends for college players anymore.  You have bigger sweaters to fill.  Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you God is a Michigan fan.  Know what's worse than an NCAA investigation?  A Grim Reaper named Bo.

There are too many celebrities who won't be spared by the Almighty.  Arnold Schwarzenegger's ticket to heaven has already expired and don't count on any Kardashians taking the V.I.P. elevator up--or members of any reality series for that matter.  If Ahhnold had only waited a few more days before blabbing about his love child.

Tim Tebow won't have to worry.  He's a lock to be Raptured by God.

Lawrence Taylor, now that's another story.  Sorry LT, you'll be joining Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Brett Favre.  There's no room in heaven for wusses or horn dogs.  Did I mention that O.J. will be dodging rocks and waves after hitting the prison chow hall tomorrow night?

Tiger Woods didn't only drop from one big list this week.  The almighty doesn't look down too kindly on bratty golfers or philanderers.  I'm not sure in what order.

Also deserving to be left behind are the "Green Men," team mascots and any prima-donna wide receivers.  Just lump them in one annoying group and let them fend for themselves.

This just in--Lance Armstrong, things aren't looking too good for you right at this moment.  I would get out my mountain bike, it's going to be rough riding tomorrow night.  Wait.  No world Saturday means no "60 Minutes" Sunday.  You're in the clear.  Lucky you.

Jorge Posada will be spared, but the inside dirt from upstairs is that he will be batting ninth.  The Almighty is one manager you don't want to bail on and he (Yup, he's a he) makes George Steinbrenner look like a kitten or a Mets GM.

There is hope for the fallen to be sucked up into the heavenly skies tomorrow.  Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress have paid their debt to society and are deserving of second chances.  And pigeon-loving Mike Tyson will be spared--if only for his cameos in "The Hangover" franchises.  God likes raunchy buddy-movies.

I am taking all this so-called End-of-the-World talk seriously because I have proof that, on Saturday, the earth will crumble and burn.  I know, because I got a sure thing on a horse for tomorrow's 6:20 p.m. start of The Preakness.  Too bad the world ends twenty minutes earlier.  Just my luck.

New York Giants Should Thank Detroit Lions Three-Fold

Who could have predicted that the lowly Detroit Lions and their fans would play a crucial part in the New York Giants quest to make the playoffs?  The Giants will play the Minnesota Vikings Monday night at Ford Field in the Motor City, after spending Saturday night in Kansas City, because a snow storm collapsed the roof at the Metrodome in Minneapolis.  To the Giants benefit, a road game will now be played at a relatively neutral site.

The Giants spent Saturday night hanging out and wondering, and not knowing, when the game would be played.  Where was never in the equation.   Now it is the Vikings who are scrambling to the airport.  

In what looked like a lost and frustrating weekend for the New York Giants,  Mother Nature's fury has turned their misfortunes into a slight advantage.  Even the oddsmakers have noticed.  The Giants opened as 1-point favorites against the Minnesota Vikings, then the number shifted to 2 1/2 points when bettors went all in on the Giants then,  after the game was moved to Detroit, the Vegas odds jumped to 4 points.

Big Blue's odyssey began Saturday when their charter plane was diverted from Minneapolis and the team was forced to cool their heels overnight in a Kansas City hotel not knowing if they were even going to make it to Minnesota the next morning.  The Metrodome's roof collapsed at 5 a.m. Sunday morning and the NFL relocated the game to Detroit.

Going to Detroit gives the Giants a three-fold boost to the playoffs, which they didn't have two days ago, and the team can quietly thank the Lions.

The Giants (8-4) are still trying to keep pace with the Philadelphia Eagles (9-4) in a tough NFC East Division title battle while hanging with the New Orleans Saints (10-3), Green Bay Packers (8-5) and Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-5) for a wild card spot.  Any strategic advantage for the Giants after this weekend's conundrum is a bonus down the stretch. 

After the Metrodome's roof ripped open and dumped a couple of tons of snow onto the field, Giants owner, John Mara, suggested moving the game to his home field, the New Meadowlands Stadium, but the idea was immediately shot down by the NFL.  Hey, the New Orleans Saints played a "home" game there after Hurricane Katrina closed down the Superdome in 2005.

First blessing, the new locale takes away the home field advantage for the Vikings.  Playing the game in what the NFL is calling a "neutral" site is misleading.  Ford Field will be filled with as many anti-Viking fans, rooting against their inter-divisional rivals, as Giant fans.  It gives the Giants a slight "home" field edge.  However slight, it sure beats the high-decibel roar the home town fans would rein on the visitors in the Minneapolis Thunderdome.   Giants quarterback, Eli Manning, was poised and handled the noise factor in a rout against the Seattle Seahawks  inside Qwest Field--arguably the league's loudest venue--a few weeks ago but, when the decibel level rises so does his interception rate.  The less hostile surroundings should help keep Eli from getting rattled.

Second, the Giants must tip their helmets to a  Detroit Lions team which held on to defeat the Packers yesterday at Ford Field.  The shocking upset gives the Giants a half game lead on the Pack and, in the course of the game, Detroit managed to lay out Green Bay's star quarterback, Aaron Rodgers, with a concussion.

This lends itself to the third--injuries are part of the game--benefit of the Detroit Lions factor in the Giants good fortune.  Rodger's  head injury is his second of the season and there is concern he may not be cleared to play when the Giants visit Green Bay in two weeks.  This leaves open the possibility of the ineffective backup, Matt Flynn, facing the Giants defense in a typical December-chilled Lambeau Field in what will probably be a game with playoff spot implications for both teams.  The Giants D is already looking ahead.

The Giants arrived in Detroit yesterday at 3 p.m.   Oddly, there could be as many fans for tonight's 7:20 EST game for two visiting teams as there are for the barely watchable, but improving Lions. Free general admission tickets will be available at the Ford Field box office beginning this morning.   The game will be broadcast by Fox in the New York and Minnesota markets. 

It all remains to be seen how the Giants respond to this adventure.  Next week they play their division rival the Eagles in the Meadowlands, but the shortened and disruptive week could take it's toll.  In a week that started with the Giants generously offer their practice field to a visiting Miami Dolphins team, it has ended with the Detroit Lions returning the favor.  One good deed returned in triplicate.  Merry Christmas from Detroit.