Arnold Schwarzenegger's Big Comeback in THE LAST STAND

A while ago it was rumored that Arnold Schwarzenegger will make his big screen comeback with a movie called "Cry Macho", directed by Brad Furman ("The Lincoln Lawyer"), a very age-appropriate thriller for the former California Governator. Things however turned sour with his recent divorce scandal, so the deal fell through. But that isn't enough to stop the 64-year old actor. So, prepare for "The Last Stand", a movie from cult korean filmmaker Jee-Woon Kim ("I Saw the Devil", "The Good, the Bad, the Weird"). The movie will be the director's first english-language movie and is said to be a very violent modern day western. The script is being penned by Jeffrey Nachmanoff ("Traitor", "The Day After Tomorrow") and Andrew Knauer. Here's the movie's official synopsis :

"Schwarzenegger will be starring as Sheriff Owens, a man who has resigned himself to a life of fighting what little crime takes place in sleepy border town Sommerton Junction after leaving his LAPD post following a bungled operation that left him wracked with failure and defeat after his partner was crippled. After a spectacular escape from an FBI prisoner convoy, the most notorious, wanted drug kingpin in the hemisphere is hurtling toward the border at 200 mph in a specially outfitted car with a hostage and a fierce army of gang members. He is headed, it turns out, straight for Summerton Junction, where the whole of U.S. law enforcement will have their last opportunity to make a stand and intercept him before he slips across the border forever. At first reluctant to become involved, and then counted out because of the perceived ineptitude of his small town force, Owens ultimately accepts responsibility for one of the most daring face offs in cinema history".

The release date has been set for January 18, 2013, enough time for the filmmakers to deliver a spectacular piece of entertainment. The budget has been estimated at about $40M, not exactly a big budget, but more than enough for some decent action scenes. It's a big gamble, anyway, being both the Hollywood debut of a foreign filmmaker and the comeback of a former action star. Will it be the big cinematic event everyone is expecting it to be ? Or just another ambitious flop ? Time will tell.

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COMMANDO Reboot Script Completed

Sure, the big news here is that the script for a reboot of the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie "Commando" has been completed by David Ayer ("Training Day", "S.W.A.T."), but for those of you who weren't aware there was actually a reboot in the works, that's the bigger news. Obviously Schwarzenegger won't be involved and there's no word yet on who will play the lead role, or even if it's going to follow the original's storyline. I was very surprised to hear them consider a "Commando" reboot, mainly because the movie itself wasn't exactly a franchise and especially because it wasn't a huge hit at the time. Producer John Davis ("Predators", "I, Robot", "Behind Enemy Lines") gave and interview for Collider and he had the following to say :

"We have a really great script. You know, I don’t know if it really makes sense to call it Commando. Maybe it does or maybe doesn’t. It is the reboot of it and all of that stuff. It is David Ayer, who did Training Day. He wrote it and wants to direct it. It is there and it is a brilliant script. It is just waiting for the right moment for the studio to want to make it and finding the right actor…Right now the script this is written is a hard R"

 It seems Ayer wants to give the movie a realistic feel, since this is the trend these days : taking old movies and/or franchises and going for a dark, gritty feel. According to Ayer, the protagonist will be "less brawny, but more skilled in covert tactics and weaponry". I honestly liked the original and I liked it for what it was : a brainless action movie that put one-liners and an outrageous body count ahead of realism. Still, Ayer's "S.W.A.T." script was full of clever treats as well as macho gung-ho action, so I guess he's the man to write this reboot. And in case you've never even heard of "Commando", here's a little trailer to give you a taste :

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Judgment Day 2011; Athletes Who Will Be Left Behind

The End is Near.  No, it's not a proclamation by either the NFL regarding the lockout or the GM of the Phoenix Coyotes on the hockey team's future.   It's the Day of Reckoning for Mankind, so say the lunatic members of a doomsday group who predict the world will cease to exist after the earth is rattled by series of earthquakes and tidal waves tomorrow between 5 and 6 p.m. 

New York City has been plastered with ads warning if the upcoming Apocalypse on Saturday July 21 and how God will only spare those who are pure of heart.

So people, you don't have to fret over overdue library books or the vig to your loan shark.  Go ahead, make that nasty, drunken text to your ex because, after tomorrow, it won't matter.   It'll all be over soon.

This presumed "Rapture" will spare the souls of the pure by whisking them into heaven while the rest of mankind will be left to face their doom on the crumbling earth.  Professional athletes--however adored on earth--are not an exception and some won't be making that trip up to eternal happiness.

I believe the world must be coming to an end because how can you explain Jason Giambi jacking three home-runs the other night.  Who even knew he was still around?

And what about the Cleveland Indians?  Best team in the majors?  Come on. We're talking about Cleveland here.  That's enough evidence for me.

Tomorrow's Doomsday is just more bad luck for Cleveland all around.  The Cavaliers finally get two top-four draft picks to make up for the left-at-the alter move by LeBron James and BOOM!   No more Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or Dawg Pound.  It's over.  If it makes Cavs fans feel any better, James will be one of the fateful ones slated to be left behind--with no championships.

The Apocalypse will bring some good things.  We won't have to wring our hands about the NFL owners and the NFLPA hugging it out.  They're all on God's naughty list anyway.



And no one will have to care which team ends up on HBO's "Hard Knocks" this summer.  It's a moot point now.  Sorry Detroit Lions, you almost had your day in the sun and games on Monday nights.

Jim Tressel, I wouldn't worry about that whole deal about stipends for college players anymore.  You have bigger sweaters to fill.  Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you God is a Michigan fan.  Know what's worse than an NCAA investigation?  A Grim Reaper named Bo.

There are too many celebrities who won't be spared by the Almighty.  Arnold Schwarzenegger's ticket to heaven has already expired and don't count on any Kardashians taking the V.I.P. elevator up--or members of any reality series for that matter.  If Ahhnold had only waited a few more days before blabbing about his love child.

Tim Tebow won't have to worry.  He's a lock to be Raptured by God.

Lawrence Taylor, now that's another story.  Sorry LT, you'll be joining Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Brett Favre.  There's no room in heaven for wusses or horn dogs.  Did I mention that O.J. will be dodging rocks and waves after hitting the prison chow hall tomorrow night?

Tiger Woods didn't only drop from one big list this week.  The almighty doesn't look down too kindly on bratty golfers or philanderers.  I'm not sure in what order.

Also deserving to be left behind are the "Green Men," team mascots and any prima-donna wide receivers.  Just lump them in one annoying group and let them fend for themselves.

This just in--Lance Armstrong, things aren't looking too good for you right at this moment.  I would get out my mountain bike, it's going to be rough riding tomorrow night.  Wait.  No world Saturday means no "60 Minutes" Sunday.  You're in the clear.  Lucky you.

Jorge Posada will be spared, but the inside dirt from upstairs is that he will be batting ninth.  The Almighty is one manager you don't want to bail on and he (Yup, he's a he) makes George Steinbrenner look like a kitten or a Mets GM.

There is hope for the fallen to be sucked up into the heavenly skies tomorrow.  Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress have paid their debt to society and are deserving of second chances.  And pigeon-loving Mike Tyson will be spared--if only for his cameos in "The Hangover" franchises.  God likes raunchy buddy-movies.

I am taking all this so-called End-of-the-World talk seriously because I have proof that, on Saturday, the earth will crumble and burn.  I know, because I got a sure thing on a horse for tomorrow's 6:20 p.m. start of The Preakness.  Too bad the world ends twenty minutes earlier.  Just my luck.