Some things I cannot do.

I always dread this day.

It is the day that I have to keep my television turned off, and avoid my favorite internet news sites.

It is the day that it seems EVERYBODY wants to talk about what I don't ever want to talk about again.

And why should I? Even ten years later I remember every single thing about that day.

The phone call from my daughter telling me to turn on the television. "Daddy they are attacking New York!"

The day spent watching something happen which my mind refused to accept was even possible.

The next days spent watching the disaster over, and over, and over again. Until I could close my eyes and see every detail play out like I was watching it happen right in front of me.

Weeks spent wondering why, who, and how.

And just when the images had faded into the darkness of my psyche it was the one year anniversary, the two year anniversary, the three year anniversary, and here they came again, playing in a loop on every station, on every television, every year. The attacks only happened once, but through the power of the recorded image they continue to attack us again, and again, and again.

The news stations say they do it so that we won't forget. Who could forget?

Like all Americans alive at that time, I will NEVER forget.

So today I thought I would pay my respects to those who lost their lives on that fateful day, by living mine.

I went up to my favorite place and spent the afternoon appreciating the vastness of the world around me.

Absorbing the beauty that surrounded me.

Listening to the music that nature played for me.

And marveling at the images which inspired me.

After I finished my hike I felt revitalized, and renewed, and not a drop of sadness remained.

Perhaps some will decide I am not a "good" American for not sharing in our national grief. But I have already shed so many tears, and feared so many faceless enemies, and yet it changed nothing.

So today I decided it was not just something that I cannot do, I decided it was something that I should not do. And I do not believe I could have made a better choice.

If every year on 9-11 our nation succumbs to an overwhelming sense of loss, and spends the day re-watching the handiwork of those who wanted to terrify us, who wins then?

Well today, for THIS American, the bad guys lost.