Prepare - Economic House of Cards ( Robert Kiyosaki video 8m8s)

video source: http://youtu.be/ZEvcI0ePt6Q

"Shooting the Sacred Cows of Money" by Robert Kiyosaki at http://www.shootingthesacredcows.com

---

Losing touch

Well not hard to tell I did nothing but chill today - how many posts? Too many.

I had a mini heart attack too. My mother is leaving for another province to celebrate Christmas and we are celebrating as a family on the 13th. I'm so out of touch that I thought for about two minutes early this am (12:30 am) that I'd missed it If this really had happened I would need to lock myself into a mental facility - it would point out how far I've lost site of the real world.

I'm off to bed.

Losing touch

Well not hard to tell I did nothing but chill today - how many posts? Too many.

I had a mini heart attack too. My mother is leaving for another province to celebrate Christmas and we are celebrating as a family on the 13th. I'm so out of touch that I thought for about two minutes early this am (12:30 am) that I'd missed it If this really had happened I would need to lock myself into a mental facility - it would point out how far I've lost site of the real world.

I'm off to bed.

Where it's at - in the meantime

I don't believe my recent malaise is Christmas related after examining my current state of emotional affairs. I wish I could write about exciting emotional/romantic affairs rather than my somewhat overwhelming depression.

I've come down sick again (is 'come down' an expression?). I have a debilitating headache caused I believe by a sinus infection. I have had a lingering infection since my H1N1 diagnosis but it took up with a vengeance after my difficult week at work which included one gruelling 19-hour day followed by two hours sleep and a 12-hour day (followed by another 12-hour day and preceded by 22 hours the earlier two days). whaaa whaaa whaaaa. I'm not fond of whiners but these are the facts.

Sickness, mental stress, fatigue and loneliness are all contributing factors to how I'm feeling. Today I woke at 5 am, my mind full of the weeks' events. I don't remember a time when I've felt so alone. I cried hard and wondered what I should do with my life. Do I quit? Do I enter school full time? Do I feel valued for my tremendous efforts (at work)? My mind could not rest on any one course. I realize financially I will have to sell my home if I leave this job, for starters. That alone is an overwhelming thought. *I'm always solution oriented which can make it difficult for me to just experience emotion as I'm always trying to solve it.

The company I run is the largest employer in my County with the exception of the hospital. It's owned by an entrepreneur who has ownership of other unrelated companies. I run the show and am responsible ultimately for whatever good or bad results. It is a huge responsibility. I don't say this to boast, it just is. This responsibility has taken a terrible toll on me, certainly at present. The question is whether or not I'll determine if this is worthwhile for my future physical and mental health.

My sense of duty and loyalty to the company owner is such that I will find it extremely difficult, not to mention humbling, to tell him how much I'm struggling under this intense burden. I vacillate between anger and shame. I'm angry that he's not asking me how I'm doing or offering encouragement. I feel shame that I require this. I wonder if it's my lack of significant other which makes me have this need for support and that if I had a sounding board in my life I'd be able to suck this up as just doing business. I wonder if it's because I'm a woman.

Is the fact that I'm a woman making it too difficult for me to manage? I've certainly seen widespread belief that women are incapable of this at Roissy and The Spearhead. I've honestly never given much credence to it because since the age of 22I've been given increasing management responsibilities. I've worked in several sectors and have never failed to be promoted. I'm somewhat charismatic, bright, intuitive and honest, all characteristics that offer business owners trust. I have never believed that it was gender that made a manager, more it was character, logic, emotional and social IQ. Certainly in this particular moment in my life I feel overly emotional, which bothers me, and I wonder if this is a female trait. Does this stop me from being able to handle this level of responsibility?

My current position is the largest one I've held to date. To many I'm seen as tough, anal, distant, busy, boring, uppity, and too far removed from the front-line. I'm very aware of these perceptions and I would be lying if I didn't say they bug me. For starters I'm anything but tough, boring or uppity. I'm not at all removed from the front-line in terms of understanding but the fact I don't do or haven't done what they do makes them see me as un-informed. I could defend myself here but I won't simply because I know their perception is off. I am distant, I am busy and I am anal, those portrayals are accurate. My distance isn't in my lack of availability or warmth, it's in my decision not to have a social life with any of them. Many workers even some managers meet after work hours and 'party', sometimes professional boundaries are blurred. I've made this easy for me and don't allow the boundaries to cross. I'm very friendly and have an open door - but for work only. This makes me both boring and distant. I'll live with it. My attention to detail which result in excellence comes with a label - analness. I've never begrudged this characteristic. I know it's irritating and heck I even understand why it is but it doesn't change the fact that if I wasn't I wouldn't be doing what I do. I find it funny that this characteristic is mostly work related as in life I'm pretty much the easiest going gal of the group and love spontaneity and don't mind imperfection.

I'm very good at what I do, I'm even recognized Provincially for my work. I have brought this company from a place of obscurity to a place of significant prominence in the five years I've been employed. This company has a significant future due to a project I started five months ago. In fact the project is unique to the Province is garnering a huge amount of attention and support. I'm proud of this. But...

It's coming with a huge personal price. I have become so busy that my friends have nearly dropped off the radar. My work is bound by confidentiality and legalities (such as the Freedom of Information & Privacy Act - FOIP). I can't talk specifics anywhere let alone the Internet. I'm desperately lonely it would seem. This I was unaware of until the 'shit hit the fan' and I realized I have no one to talk to. It snuck up on me this place I'm in.

The life direction I will take remains to be seen. In the meantime I have a planned strategy for dealing with matters at work and am satisfied I'm on the right path . I plan to stay in bed today and hopefully being repair to my immune system. I can't magically become less lonely, but I'll make plans to connect with friends over the holidays and restore connections. I have decided to take a week off prior to Christmas and I'm hopeful this downtime will restore my faith in myself, others and in life in general.

Thanks for listening.

Where it's at - in the meantime

I don't believe my recent malaise is Christmas related after examining my current state of emotional affairs. I wish I could write about exciting emotional/romantic affairs rather than my somewhat overwhelming depression.

I've come down sick again (is 'come down' an expression?). I have a debilitating headache caused I believe by a sinus infection. I have had a lingering infection since my H1N1 diagnosis but it took up with a vengeance after my difficult week at work which included one gruelling 19-hour day followed by two hours sleep and a 12-hour day (followed by another 12-hour day and preceded by 22 hours the earlier two days). whaaa whaaa whaaaa. I'm not fond of whiners but these are the facts.

Sickness, mental stress, fatigue and loneliness are all contributing factors to how I'm feeling. Today I woke at 5 am, my mind full of the weeks' events. I don't remember a time when I've felt so alone. I cried hard and wondered what I should do with my life. Do I quit? Do I enter school full time? Do I feel valued for my tremendous efforts (at work)? My mind could not rest on any one course. I realize financially I will have to sell my home if I leave this job, for starters. That alone is an overwhelming thought. *I'm always solution oriented which can make it difficult for me to just experience emotion as I'm always trying to solve it.

The company I run is the largest employer in my County with the exception of the hospital. It's owned by an entrepreneur who has ownership of other unrelated companies. I run the show and am responsible ultimately for whatever good or bad results. It is a huge responsibility. I don't say this to boast, it just is. This responsibility has taken a terrible toll on me, certainly at present. The question is whether or not I'll determine if this is worthwhile for my future physical and mental health.

My sense of duty and loyalty to the company owner is such that I will find it extremely difficult, not to mention humbling, to tell him how much I'm struggling under this intense burden. I vacillate between anger and shame. I'm angry that he's not asking me how I'm doing or offering encouragement. I feel shame that I require this. I wonder if it's my lack of significant other which makes me have this need for support and that if I had a sounding board in my life I'd be able to suck this up as just doing business. I wonder if it's because I'm a woman.

Is the fact that I'm a woman making it too difficult for me to manage? I've certainly seen widespread belief that women are incapable of this at Roissy and The Spearhead. I've honestly never given much credence to it because since the age of 22I've been given increasing management responsibilities. I've worked in several sectors and have never failed to be promoted. I'm somewhat charismatic, bright, intuitive and honest, all characteristics that offer business owners trust. I have never believed that it was gender that made a manager, more it was character, logic, emotional and social IQ. Certainly in this particular moment in my life I feel overly emotional, which bothers me, and I wonder if this is a female trait. Does this stop me from being able to handle this level of responsibility?

My current position is the largest one I've held to date. To many I'm seen as tough, anal, distant, busy, boring, uppity, and too far removed from the front-line. I'm very aware of these perceptions and I would be lying if I didn't say they bug me. For starters I'm anything but tough, boring or uppity. I'm not at all removed from the front-line in terms of understanding but the fact I don't do or haven't done what they do makes them see me as un-informed. I could defend myself here but I won't simply because I know their perception is off. I am distant, I am busy and I am anal, those portrayals are accurate. My distance isn't in my lack of availability or warmth, it's in my decision not to have a social life with any of them. Many workers even some managers meet after work hours and 'party', sometimes professional boundaries are blurred. I've made this easy for me and don't allow the boundaries to cross. I'm very friendly and have an open door - but for work only. This makes me both boring and distant. I'll live with it. My attention to detail which result in excellence comes with a label - analness. I've never begrudged this characteristic. I know it's irritating and heck I even understand why it is but it doesn't change the fact that if I wasn't I wouldn't be doing what I do. I find it funny that this characteristic is mostly work related as in life I'm pretty much the easiest going gal of the group and love spontaneity and don't mind imperfection.

I'm very good at what I do, I'm even recognized Provincially for my work. I have brought this company from a place of obscurity to a place of significant prominence in the five years I've been employed. This company has a significant future due to a project I started five months ago. In fact the project is unique to the Province is garnering a huge amount of attention and support. I'm proud of this. But...

It's coming with a huge personal price. I have become so busy that my friends have nearly dropped off the radar. My work is bound by confidentiality and legalities (such as the Freedom of Information & Privacy Act - FOIP). I can't talk specifics anywhere let alone the Internet. I'm desperately lonely it would seem. This I was unaware of until the 'shit hit the fan' and I realized I have no one to talk to. It snuck up on me this place I'm in.

The life direction I will take remains to be seen. In the meantime I have a planned strategy for dealing with matters at work and am satisfied I'm on the right path . I plan to stay in bed today and hopefully being repair to my immune system. I can't magically become less lonely, but I'll make plans to connect with friends over the holidays and restore connections. I have decided to take a week off prior to Christmas and I'm hopeful this downtime will restore my faith in myself, others and in life in general.

Thanks for listening.