Putting the Awe into Some

They say Tuesday’s Child is full of grace. Well, grace is nice and all. But outside of ballerinas and Audrey Hepburn, I think being full of awesome is a mite more practical. I mean, who doesn’t want to be awesome? Awesome is awesome. OK, now I feel like I’m saying awesome so much that the word is starting to lose its meaning and just become a collection of sounds. Like whenever I say the word “obey,” I drag it out like how I heard this one Southern minister say it at this wedding where the bride and groom still kept the “obey” part of the vows because they mistakenly though this was 1954. Wow. I’ve gotten awesomely off track. I was saying something about being awesome. Oh, I remember. These videos are awesome.

Cyndi Lauper is awesome.

She lifts the mood of some stranded, cranky air travelers in Buenos Aires with the best girl power song ever.

Daniel Craig & Judi Dench are awesome.

Even 007 knows it’s hard out there for a dame. On this International Women’s Day, remember nothing is sexier than equality.

Thumbs-Up Kitty is Awesome.

Also, a little creepy. Like, now what’s to prevent them from taking over the world?

Brittana being on is awesome.

If tonight’s big Brittana moment is even half as awesome as this fanvid, we’re in for a whole lot of awesome tonight.

There, well I hope those helped make your Tuesday a little more awesome. If you’re still looking for grace, you’re on your own.

It Gets Awesome

This video made the rounds last month, yet somehow I managed to not watch it until just recently. It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested, it’s just at that point I was a tad It Gets Bettered out. (And, again, not that I have anything at all against the campaign – it’s wonderful and amazing and should go on forever and ever). But, you know, I know it gets better so I wasn’t sure I needed to hear it again. But then, out of my normal mix of insomnia and procrastination, I finally clicked the link I’d favorite for a rainy day. And, boy, was I thrilled I did. Not only is Rebecca Drysdale’s “It Gets Better” music video the funniest and cleverest (and danciest) of all the It Gets Better campaign, it’s also one of the most unexpectedly encouraging. So if you, like me, were suffering from a little inspirational burn out, please fight through the doldrums and hit play instead. I promise you, this video is the better we’ve been getting at – and then some. (Note: Mild NSFW language, so just wear headphones.)

Like I was saying, awesome. So awesome it’s been in my head for days – and I’m happy about it. Some of you might be familiar with delightfully naughty comedian Rebecca Drysdale already. But if it was your first introduction, my, wasn’t that a treat? Others of you will remember Beck D from her equally hilarious “The L Word Serenade” music video from a few years back. Not ringing a bell? How about a refresher. (Same NSFW language, so keep those headphones on.)

Damn, now that’s stuck in my head. And by “damn,” I mean “awesome.”

p.s. Obscure, but cool fact: “30 Rock” writer and fellow comedian Kay Cannon was a producer for this “It Gets Better” video. Everyone involved with that show is just continually high fiving a million angels.

Come on. Cake.

True story: I feel asleep last night (basically comaed out) after an hour-long fit of hysterical laughter brought on by reading damnyouautocorrect.com. As an iPhone user, the site is basically every text conversation I’ve ever had. My sister has become so skilled at deciphering my texts that the occasional use of the work of “vaginal” instead of “annual” doesn’t even phase her anymore. Though, on occasion when the predictive text just won’t stop fucking with me, she does have to ask, “Um, have you just have a stroke?” So, this is sort of a long way of saying I’m sorry I didn’t have a post up this morning. Instead, please let me gift you with the joy of laughter. First enjoy a few very funny, very charming ladies. And then, because laughing like a drunken monkey at your screen while co-workers look on is a rite of passage in this Internet age, please enjoy a couple choice examples from damnyouautocorrect.com. You’re gonorrhea.

Hillary Clinton

When Hillary turns on the charm, it dazzles. Also, I would happily write a thank you note were anyone to send me gravy chips. Just sayin’.

Tina Fey

Finally, a definitive end to the cake or pie questions. (My better half Tina won the Mark Twain Prize for Comedy this week, which will air Sunday on PBS. Swoon.)

From Damn You, Auto Correct!
[Click to embiggen the L to the OLs]
Anal birds really are the worst.

Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen

You know when you first hear a song and think, “OK, that’s dumb.” Then you hear it again and go, “OK, that’s dumb, but it has a good beat.” And then by the third time you hear it you’re singing the chorus at the top of your lungs in the car? Yeah, it’s like that.

So right now that song for me is “Whip My Hair.” There really isn’t anything to it. The title is two-thirds of the lyrics. In fact, on its surface the song’s pedigree is its most interesting attribute. You see, the insanely precocious half-pint whipping her hair back-and-forth like a pro is none other than Willow Smith, the 9-year-old daughter of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. Yes, that’s right, another one. The couple’s son Jaden was in “The Karate Kid” remake this summer and now Willow has a hit single. I swear, at this rate I’m pretty sure one of the Pinkett-Smith offspring will run for president in 2012.

What makes the whole hair whipping phenomena more interesting is its juxtaposition with the also just-released “I Love My Hair” video by Sesame Street. The cherry little number is an ode to African-American hair and, well, adorable. So damn cute.

So, well, you can see where this is all going? Yes, kittens, the inevitable “Whip My Hair”/“I Love My Hair” mash-up. Please, by all means, enjoy.

Not to over-intellectualize the reasons for one’s possible enjoyment for any or all of these videos, but - um, you know – sometimes a gal just wants her hair to look good.

"Storage solutions make me hot."

First day back after a three-day weekend. Sucks, right? Well, put on your headphones and make sure no one is nearby who will look at you funny if you start laughing like an idiot at your screen. Are you ready? Press play. Trust me, Tuesday won’t seem so bad afterward. I promise.

p.s. Check out AfterEllen today for my interview with the video’s creator and all-around funny lady DeAnne Smith. In no particular order we discuss Justin Bieber, being a sex god and how exactly to manifest that kitten out of pure love and hemp sock lint.

Acid Wash vs. Day Glo

So not to date myself (who am I kidding, I always date myself), but I certainly got a chuckle out of the news that Debbie Gibson and Tiffany were going to star – and fight – in a new SyFy film. The 80s teen pop idols will star in “Mega Python vs. Gatoroid.” No, I am not kidding. Debbie will play “a fanatical animal-rights activist who frees illegally imported exotic snakes from pet stores, sending them into the Everglades, where they grow to mega sizes. Tiffany will play an overzealous park ranger who uses dangerous methods to save endangered alligators.” In the script they get into a fight at a party which ends up in a swamp. Naturally.

Now, children of the 80s like me know that the Debbie or Tiffany question was one of the defining questions of our era. It was the Team Edward or Team Jacob of our time. The way you answered it framed you as this or that kind of person. Well, at least that’s how it played out in my head. I was all Team Debbie. Tiffany sang in malls – malls, people. But Debbie, she shook her love. Totally different.

In my adolescent mind, Debbie was much classier. But then, they both ended up posing naked in Playboy. So, I guess I just further proved the truism that preteen girls should never be arbiters of public taste.

Of course, this is a genius way to settle all real (or imagined) pop culture rivalries. Schlocky sci-fi movies should become our go-to way to once and for all settle the matter of supremacy. Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston in “Ultra Fox vs. Mega Friend.” Rosie O’Donnell vs. Elisabeth Hasselbeck in “King Kong vs. Godzilla.” Backstreet Boys vs. *NSync in “Who Are We Kidding, We Both Suck.”

Now, time has a funny way of putting everything in perspective. And these days I think I feel a little more nostalgic for Tiffany’s cheesy 80s ballads than Debbie’s (also, she insists on being called Deborah now, which – girl, come on).”Could’ve Been” was also the first song I ever slow danced to at a school dance. To be honest, I don’t remember the boy. But I remember the girl who sang it.

Though, if I could make one small, crucial suggestion to SyFy before they start filming - please, please, please put them in Day-Glo and acid-wash jeans for their big swamp fight. This is an 80s rivalry, after all. It only seems right.

Yep, yep, yep

We interrupt our regularly scheduled hot women in tank tops and Tina Fey worship for this very important public service announcement. Everything is funnier when done by puppets. So with that I give you the Sesame Street crew performing “Telephone.” More proof Sesame Street is so gay: Its abundant use of the word “yep.” Everyone knows that’s reserved for celebrities affirming to People magazine their sexual orientation. Also, everyone knows about Bert & Ernie. Come on, boys, Ricky Martin finally came out, too.

Magnifico-o-o-o-o

Some things you never grow out of – and thankfully so. We’re a day away from the day we here in the states all try to remember what we’re thankful for, so maybe I’m feeling a little nostalgic. I’ll be taking Thanksgiving off to gorge myself on roasted tryptophan and buttered rolls. But today, I just want to enjoy the uncomplicated joy that is The Muppets singing “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Happy Thanksgiving, all.

Say Cheesus, what happened to your arms?

I love photography. I suck at it, but I love looking at other people’s work who don’t. I appreciate the skill that goes into a great shot. The composition, the lighting, the artistry. I can also appreciate that sometimes things can go awry – very, very awry. Like say, dear God, where the hell are her arms wrong. I mean, look what they did to poor Julianne Moore. Last time I checked she wasn’t appearing in a movie about a double amputee who walks around in hooker heels. Though, come to think of it, that movie has Oscar written all over it.

Liv TylerJesus, this missing arm thing is contagious.

Kate WinsletThey got Kate, too. No one is safe. Run! Run!

Natalie Portman
Don’t you just hate it when you get a piece of your delicious vegan, fair-trade, sustainably-farmed lunch caught way back in your molars?

Summer GlauSummer, on the other hand, looks like she is digging for a big, juicy piece of steak.

Marion Cotillard

This is the classic, I have to pee but have no idea where the restrooms are pose.

Rachel Weisz

Well, I guess that’s one way to solve the no restroom problem.

Marg HelgenbergerApproach with extreme caution, a feral animal is foaming at the mouth in the corner.

Keri RussellWhile she has all her limbs, nothing in her teeth and appears to have used the restroom before departure, this photo is still WRONG IN EVERY WAY.