Dancing Solo

Confirmed: Hope Solo will be on the new season of “Dancing with the Stars.” Also confirmed: Many, many more lesbians are going to watch the new season of “Dancing with the Stars.”



So the world’s most kick-ass goalie is going to be on the show with the shiny sequins and the crazy choreography. On the one hand, wow, guess this means I’m going to have to start watching “Dancing with the Stars.” On the other hand, dammit, guess this means I’m going to have to start watching “Dancing with the Stars.”



I do not watch, though I have caught a few performances over the years. What I’ve gleaned from those few minutes is that, um, isn’t Hope a little upscale for this show? Let’s be brutally honest, it’s usually people trying to revive their careers or people without real careers in the first place. I mean, Rob Kardashian and George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend are both on the show this season. Don’t get me wrong, I like Chaz Bono and Ricki Lake and Carson Kressley and mean them no disrespect as fellow castmates. But then there’s the little problem of Nancy Grace also being a contestant. I’m not sure I can in good conscience watch any show that features that woman. She makes me want to kill someone and get away with it, just to watch her head explode. (Just kidding, I do not want to kill anyone. But I do want kind of want to watch Nancy’s head explode.)



Then there’s the injury factor. Aren’t contestants getting hurt left and right every season on this show? Hope, girl, the 2012 London Olympics are less than a year away. We do not want to have our star goalie sidelined by a tragic cha-cha accident.



Man, I am being so gay about this news. I’ve processed like 100 emotions in four paragraphs. But in the end, I think I’m mostly happy Hope will get the exposure and hopefully it’ll shine more much-deserved light onto our amazing U.S. Women’s National Team. As Hope herself tweeted, it’s to raise awareness of women’s soccer. And that’s a good thing. Also a good thing, this means I have a perfectly valid excuse to post more pictures of Hope Solo.



My, what big hands you have.

Admittedly, these legs are going to look killer in heels.

Normally I hate midriff-baring dresses. This is not normally.

If I was one of Hope’s DWTS competitors, I would seriously consider forfeiting after seeing this picture.

Arm…

…porn…

…forever.

I take everything I said back. This is the best news ever. Also, DWTS costumers, please note that Hope should only ever appear in sleeveless gowns. That’s an order. It would be a sin to cover even a single centimeter of these guns. A sin against hotness.

Abby Wambach and Megan Rapinoe Go Bear at Giants Game

While U.S. Women's World Cup soccer star Hope Solo is taking it all off for a magazine photo spread, teammates Abby Wambach and Megan Rapinoe are going bare too-- make that panda bear.

Wambach and Rapinoe were spotted at last night's San Diego Padres/San Francisco Giants game at AT&T Park wearing panda bear hats which were, hopefully,  in support of the Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval and not for the Chinese soccer team.

"Kung Fu Panda," as the chubby Sandoval was allegedly nicknamed by teammate Barry Zito,  is a fan favorite in the city of the World Champions.

Not much has been seen of the star forward and mid-fielder since losing to Japan in the Women's World Cup championship game last month.  Maybe it's because Wambach and Rapinoe, who hails from northern California, have been covered up by the floppy-eared panda hats.

If they were trying to go incognito, the two teammates missed their goal.  Oops, too soon?  They were pretty obvious in the crowd of over 41,000.

The Giants won 2-1, behind the pitching of Tim Lincecum. 

Kung Fu Panda went 0-for-3.

Hope Solo and Abby Wambach Do Stupid Soccer Tricks on Letterman Show

Hope Solo and Abby Wambach, two members of the silver medalist US Women's World Cup soccer team, appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman and took shots at four moving taxi cabs outside the Ed Sullivan Theatre in New York City yesterday.  Solo, a goaltender, finally put a ball right through the sliding door; while Wambach's kicks sailed wide or bounced off the taxis.

Maybe the US goalie should have taken one of the penalty kicks during the championship game loss to Japan on Sunday?

The losing American team is still getting a rousing welcome home after being upset by Japan.   They were greeted at the airport by fans when they arrived back in the United States and Letterman was one of the first stops for the two stars of the team.  You would have thought they won the whole enchilada.

Solo and Wambach, seated on a couch next to Letterman's desk, looked nervous and demure--a stark contrast to their individual on-field persona.

Letterman opened the interview with the obvious. "Tough loss," the gap-toothed host said.  Both players shook their heads before he lobbed this bon mot," It looked like you were all over those people, the Japanese."

Solo said she received a "good luck" email right before the game from a friend--and one of the opposing Japanese players-- and responded by emailing back; "Whatever happens, happens."  Letterman then joked, " You should have said 'Would it have killed you to lay down.'"

Letterman finally admitted," I know nothing about the game," but never asked the question everyone wanted to know: Do you think you choked?

Solo did answer that question in an interview on ESPN.  It sounded like an apologetic "No."  Then she added, "Only if you truly don't know the game."

While the US team licks their wounded egos, the same darlings of the media are still getting the star treatment for coming in second.

This week's cover of Sports Illustrated will feature a photo of Solo with the headline;  "HEART AND HEARTACHE- Japan Shocks the US..."

Shouldn't Japan's veteran leader, Homare Sawa, be gracing the SI cover for winning the World Cup?

Amazingly, the US women's team gets the winner's treatment.  I didn't see a photo of LeBron James on the cover of SI for being upset by the Dallas Mavericks or the brooding faces of the men's 2004 Olympic basketball team who came home with bronze.

The US appearance in the World Cup may have drawn more fans to the sport of women's soccer, but give the winner's their due.

Japan's upset could cost the most recognizable faces of the US team-- Solo and Wambach-- millions of dollars in endorsements said Bob Dorfman.

Dorfman, who rates endorsement potential of athletes as Creative Director of Baker Street Advertising in San Francisco, thinks the deals could dry up fast.

"I heard there were some marketers who were planning on using them-- but decided not to because of the loss," said Dorfman.  "Everyone likes a winner."

Rumors that GoDaddy.com had it's sights on goalie Solo joining Danica Patrick in their racy ads, but after the loss they backed off. 

GoDaddy.com spokesman Nick Fuller said," At this point in time, GoDaddy.com is not pursuing a sponsorship deal with Hope Solo."

Getting attention and attracting new fans to the sport are still viable assets for the two break-out female stars claims Dorfman.

They can still work in the "glamor" areas like Patrick and Maria Sharapova do, he said.

While it lasts, Solo and the rest of the team should enjoy all the adulation the USA can throw at them; for if they played for North Korea, chances are, they would probably be serving some sort of penance on a work farm.

Japan Upsets United States in World Cup Final and Brings Hope Back Home

In what everyone is calling the greatest Women's World Cup Final in history and one of the biggest upsets in team sports, the long-shot Japanese women's soccer team defeated the highly-favored United States in penalty kicks to take home the world title in Frankfurt, Germany yesterday.

Japan, the little engine that could, overcame long odds to make it to the finals but used a steady passing game, tough defense and unyeilding tenacity to come from behind and defeat the stronger and bigger U.S. squad.

Even U.S. fans could not begrudge Japan of it's hard-earned win.

The Japanese were playing for a country devastated by an earthquake and tsunami which wiped out huge portions of northern Japan on March 11 and left over 23,000 people dead or missing.  The victory brings optimism to a country still filled with heartbreak and destruction.

The drama was set even before the teams took the field.

Nobody gave Japan a chance to win-- not even a puncher's one.

Japan had never beaten the U.S. in 25 previous matches and lost three games against this same team earlier this spring. They were the second smallest team in the tournament and, because of the earthquake and tsunami, had limited time to practice together leading up to the World Cup.

The highly entertaining game had everything soccer fans want to see.  For once the game lived up to the hype. 

There was the David vs. Goliath angle-- literally-- and enough action and close calls to keep even the most cynical soccer fan on their feet.

After a scoreless first half, Japan was robbed of a high percentage shot after a referee wrongly called a Japanese break away off-sides early in the second period.  The U.S. took advantage of the missed call and scored the first goal in the 69th minute after Megan Rapinoe lofted the ball to 22 year-old Alex Morgan.  It seemed the U.S. had destiny in their hands.  The shouts of U-S-A! U.S.A. began to fill the Frankfurt stadium and bars around America.

Japan accelerated their finesse game by bringing in extra scorers and, in the 81st minute, it paid off.   Aya Miyana intercepted a lazy Alex Kreiger pass in the U.S. penalty area and looped the ball over U.S. goalie, Hope Solo's outstretched arms.  Tie game with momentum on Japan's side.

The U.S. continue to take-- and miss--  shots at the Japanese goalie.  On the day the Americans out-shot Japan 27-14, but had too many kicks hit the post or sail over the net.

At the end of regulation, the game was tied at 1-1 and both teams prepared for the 30-minute overtime session.  Now, no 'Golden Goals' could save either team.  It was thirty minutes of play.

As the Japanese team huddled before the extra period, their coach, Norio Sasaki,  could be seen smiling while encouraging his players.  They looked looser than the U.S. team.

That smile was wiped away in the 14th minute of overtime when Abby Wambach once again used a header to score a go-ahead goal.  This was the third time in this World Cup, the towering Wambach's head put the U.S. into the lead.  This time it looked like the team would take the 2-1 lead to a world title.

Wambach was now looking at endorsement deals from every shampoo, hat and hair dye company if the Americans could milk the clock for another sixteen minutes.

Amazingly, a minute later, Homare Sawa-- in her fifth World Cup for Japan-- made an awkward, off-balance shot past Solo to tie the game.

Now both teams were headed to the dreaded and nerve-wracking penalty kick phase.

The U.S. missed their first two penalty kicks and Japan led 2-1; leaving just Saki Kumagi's kick to seal the victory for Japan's first world title.  Solo tried to psyche out the tiny Kumagi by flailing and stretching inside the goal.  It didn't work.  Japan wins 3-1 on penalty kicks.

It could be called the Miracle on Turf or Japan's Hope over America's Hope or whatever, but to the millions of Japanese, still reeling from the disaster, watching the victory in pre-dawn Japan, it was more than a soccer match.

It was pretty hard to root against Japan.  Their first victory against the U.S. was more important than soccer itself.  The inspiration the team brings back home will bring happiness to many who need something to cheer about and spur them on. 

At the end of the game, the Japanese women unfurled the banner they have held up after all their wins leading to World Cup title game.  It reads "To Our Friends Around the World- Thank You For Your Support."

Soccer should be thanking them.

We can be heroes

No matter how hard you prepare. No matter how hard you play. No matter how hard you want it. Sometimes, the win goes to the country that needs it more. And, God knows, Japan needed it. So, while I’m certainly heartbroken to see our Team USA lose in the Women’s World Cup final, I feel a certain joy too because Japan could use a win this year. But, really, in a game as hard-fought and nail-biting as USA v. Japan, we’re all winners. Because we all got to see some exciting, top-level soccer (yes, yes – football everyone else) and two teams who played their hearts out. That’s a win-win in my book. And that we got to watch three weeks of elite, dedicated, amazing athletes do what they do best. OK, fine, it’s also kind of like three weeks of uninterrupted muscle porn for lesbians. But, hey, can’t it be both? Plus, it’s always a wondrous thing when the world comes together to cheer on women’s sports – no matter the outcome. In fact, the final set a new tweets per second record – beating even the news that Bin Laden had been killed. Way to go, ladies. So one last round of hugging each other with their legs in sportsmanship. See you in 2015.

Team JapanCongratulations, Japan.

Hope SoloGreat game, USA.

Abby WambachAbby Wambach’s forehead for president.

Alex Morgan & Abby WambachDo we really need to wait four years for more of this?

Megan Rapinoe & Abby WambachSo many alternative lifestyle haircuts, so little time.

Team USAJust look at these magnificent human beings.

Abby WambachArm porn forever.

Homare Sawa, Aya Miyama & teammateThreesome, nice.

Team JapanThough why limit things to three?

Homare SawaBadass and adorable in the same tiny body.

Hope Solo & Aya MiyamaUm, doesn’t this totally look like Hope’s trying to pick up Aya after the game? Like, “Hey, girl, hey. Good job winning the World Cup. Can I come back to your place and, you know, touch it?” What? I’m looking for a silver lining, people.

Still sad about Team USA’s loss? Please let Abby Wambach’s abs console you in your time of grief.

Still inconsolable? OK, well I guess since this is a special lesbian emergency, we’ll have to break Hope Solo’s abs.

See, allllll better.

Japanese Women's Soccer Team To Meet United States in World Cup Final

Japan defeated Sweden today, 3-1, and will be making it's first appearance in a World Cup Final.  They will meet the United States who, earlier, overwhelmed France late and won 3-1 on a rain-slicked field.

It's hard for the world to not root for the big underdogs from Japan, especially after the Japanese players once again unfurled a huge banner after the match that read, "To Our Friends Around the World;  Thank You For Your Support," which refers to the world-wide outpouring of aid after the the March 11 tsunami and earthquake that left 23,000 people dead or missing.

The U.S. team hopes to win their first World Cup title since 1999 when they defeated China.

The Japanese just want to bring hope home.



Japan has a tough road to victory and is 0-22-3 all-time against the U.S..  They lost three games this spring against the same squad of U.S. players.

The Japanese team shocked Germany earlier in the tournament before beating perennial women's soccer power Sweden today.  It is a totally different collection of players who played that series vs. the U.S..   Japan was devastated by the disaster and the the team did not practice for weeks before those games.

Sunday's final will pit the finesse of Japan against the tenacity of the U.S.

Japan's game is filled with fine-tuned trapping and passing while the Americans are bigger and more athletic.

The U.S. team is led by sure-handed goaltender, Hope Solo, and striker Abby Wambach-- who has headed in go ahead goals against both Sweden and France.

Japan is filled with interchangeable players who can frustrate an opponent with their trademark short-passing and unselfish play.  Nahomi Kawasumi scored two goals today after getting a surprise start.

Wambach, even after the U.S. victory, thought France"outplayed" her team today.

"In the end, we're in the finals," she boasted.

The Japanese team is playing for a lot more than the title.  Respect is such an important aspect of Japanese society and the team representing their country has already earned so much of it on an international stage.  Now they just want to bring some happiness back to their recovering homeland.

Before the game against favored Germany, Japan's coach Norio Sasaki, showed the team photographs of the victims and the devastation of the tsunami and earthquake to inspire them.  He didn't do it today and probably won't do it on Sunday.

The Japanese team already has those horrible images in their heads to push them on.

It's hard not to want to see the Japanese women unfurl that banner in Frankfurt on Sunday and thank the world once again...this time holding the World Cup Championship trophy.

American splendor

Not to be an unapologetic homer, but, um – USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! Right, sorry. I love you, other countries. But I REALLY love Team USA after that amazing, amazing game. It had everything. Bad calls. Really FUCKING bad calls. Last-minute goals. Really last FUCKING minute calls. Penalty kicks. Abby FUCKING Wambach. Hope FUCKING Solo. I said GODDAMN.I watched it in rerun late last night again and it was still so nerve wracking and so, so awesome. And in repeat you got to hear the announcer say, "It will go down as the USA's worst performance ever in the Women's World Cup" a mere 20 seconds before Abby Wambach blew up Brazil. How badass are these ladies? So badass. So in celebration of Team USA’s big win and trip to the semi-finals, here’s some bonus hugging each other with their legs in sportsmanship and all around awesomeness from our gals. America, fuck yeah.

Abby Wambach & Hope Solo

This photo makes me happy in all the right places.

Team Badass USAWelcome to fist pump heaven.

Abby Wambach & Megan Rapinoe

Hover power: Activate!

Ali Krieger & Christie RamponeClutch penalty kick game clinchers make for happy feet.

Hope MOTHERFUCKING SoloThanks to the beauty of this all-out, penalty saving stretch, you can see Hope’s navel piercing. What? I’m observant, so sue me.
Megan RapinoeHow adorable is she? So adorable.

Abby Wambach & Megan Rapinoe & Team USAThat’s what I call assaulting each other with your legs in sportsmanship.

Abby Wambach & Hope SoloI can’t be the only one who saw this and screamed “Kiss her!” Right?

Team USACuddle puddle.

Hey, who wants to watch Rapinoe’s awesome assist and Wambach’s beast of a header again? Yeah, we all do.

Now that, that’s what I call the beautiful game.

Swedish Women's Soccer Team's Victory Dance Over U.S. is a Winner

I watched Sweden's 2-1 win over the United States, in their FIFA Women's World Cup soccer group-play match today, and learned a few things about women's soccer I never realized before.

First of all, every women's team seems to have a team victory dance they perform after every goal or win.  My vote for best choreography  goes to Sweden.  It's a Nordic Polska with a little gangsta crotch-grab to spice it up. 

Here's a few other things I picked up on the sport today.

Apparently, the women's style of soccer play is just as scrappy as the men's but they don't cry, roll around in agony and there are way less prat-falls and flopping.  That's probably because an Italian team wasn't on the field.

There is a lot of spirited chatter on the field but, thankfully, it's not as loud as an NCAA women's softball game or the grunting at a Wimbleton Women's Finals match.

The sideline bench area looks more like a nail salon than a sports bench.  Did you see those seats?  Who supplies them, Audi or BMW?  Those blue and white bucket seats, complete with headrests, look like they should be sitting in front of a 60-inch flat screen in some dude's man-cave.  I'm almost sure they have vibrating magic fingers.

The U.S. goalie, Hope Solo, is pretty cute, and not related to Han, and the Swedish team is 92.5% blond.

Finally, the ESPN soccer announcers are the biggest homers in all sports.  They make excuses for every U.S. misplay or loss.  If it's not a "that was a bad call against the U.S.," it's a "this loss will make the U.S. team stronger, that's just how they are."  Get over it, Sweden is a pretty good team.

Now, the U.S. will face Brazil in a tough  quarterfinal match on Sunday.  The U.S. team has been relegated to second place in Group C due to the loss.  It was the United States women's soccer team's first  loss in group play in their last 17 appearances.

I knew that.

Are you ready for some football?

Female soccer players always throw off my gaydar. Always. Take, for instance, Team USA above. I mean, sure they’ve got tank tops and arm porn and alternative-lifestyle haircuts. But what’s really throwing me off is their mad swagger. Not artificial swagger, like unnecessary limps or ridiculous grandstanding. No, the swagger that comes from years and years of getting kicked in the shins. From running up and down a 100-yard field more times than you can count. From sweat and concentration and grit and grass stains embedded in your skin. Soccer is fucking hard work. So when you’re good, you’ve got natural swagger. And that, that’s hot. It’s also hot that when the women score they tend to jump, legs first, into their teammates’ arms. Any sport that celebrates by hugging each other with your legs in friendship is a sport I want to watch. So to honor of the Women’s World Cup and all those amazing ladies with mad swagger, how about a little lady leg action?

Team EnglandSo much for English reserve.

Team JapanThe leg wrap here is especially impressive.

Team Equatorial GuineaWell, this just looks like we’re interrupting a private moment.

Team England, againSeriously, what’s in the tea over there?

Team SwedenSometimes hugging can cross precariously into mounting – not that I mind.

Team NorwayOK, ladies, time to get a room.

Of course, this being Tuesday and me being a giver, I didn’t want to ignore all the quality tank top action happening either. Sure they’ve got great legs, but these ladies are also packing some serious guns.

Hope Solo, USANever has the fact that goalies get to use their hands seemed more delicious.

Abby Wambach, USAExtra bonus point for the tongue.

Jessica Landström, SwedenGorgeous, gay and ohmygod those guns. Also, she’s our mounty friend No. 9 above. Did I mention she’s my new favorite player?

p.s. For more on the lovely Ms. Landström and the other out players in the 2011 Women’s World Cup, check out AfterEllen this week up now.