"Planking." The Stupidest "Sport" Since Pole-Sitting Claims Life

The latest craze among young people blazing across the Internet is called "planking", where a person is photographed lying face down, stiff as a board and in a precarious place.  The "sport" now has it's first known casualty.  A 20 -year-old man fell from a seven-story balcony after trying to balance himself across a two-inch railing the other morning.

The worldwide sensation of planking has thousands of participants and Facebook pages with 100,000 followers.  YouTube is being flooded with images of rigid and motionless teens and twenty-somethings who then hurry home to spend hours in front of their computers sitting and staring at photos of other people lying down doing nothing.

The dead man was identified as Acton Beale, who was pronounced dead outside his Brisbane, Australia apartment complex at 4:30 a.m..  He was allegedly being filmed by a friend when he fell to his senseless death.

The "sport" of planking has become a dangerous, and now deadly, craze among young thrill seekers.  It involves nothing except a camera, a lot of time on your hands and an even more bored friend to record the action--or inaction.



It may even replace cup-stacking as the stupidest "sport" in the world.  The "sport" of putting cups on top of each other has already been broadcast on ESPN.  Could planking be next?

At least the sport of parkour has some street-cred and athleticism to it.  There's not a lot of people who have the skills to vault, jump and scale walls fences like parkour athletes do.  Young criminals in a prison-break come to mind.

Planking is also known as "playing dead" and "the lying down game."  If those descriptions don't get your adrenaline rushing, they will at least tell you how much physical exertion is usually involved.

The sport got it's start in Japan and is the fastest-growing activity in Australia, the land that brought us poisonous toads and Vegemite sandwiches.  There is even a Brisbane Planking Association who publicized this seemingly obvious message after Beale's plunge: "Don't Drink and Plank."

Call it a sport or today's fad, either way, the rules to planking are quite simple.  First, you must lie face down, expressionless, with your arms at your sides.  You must remain as stiff as a board.  Like a plank--hence, the planking name.  You can do this anywhere you can be recorded or photographed.  Got your shot?  You're done planking.

Where you plank can be as mundane and safe as a meadow field or a cushioned seat in a McDonald's booth.  Some take it to another level and plank on poles, park statues or span from from one object to another with their chest and toes as anchors. 

The variations of planking can sometimes be quite original and artistic.  There are "boat-planks," "double (two people) planks" and "multiple-planks."  That's a gang of plankers doing what they do best --lying motionless together side-by-side.

A man was arrested for doing a "police-car plank," after the cop didn't take kindly to the planker planking on his vehicle while he was sitting inside.  Most plankers seem to lack common sense.

This leads people to push the limits and become the extreme plankers by taking bigger risks.  They plank railroad tracks, sharp objects, electrical wires and forbidden locations.  The Taj Mahal has even been planked.  Sadly, Beale was one of these daredevils.

Police and politicians believed it was only a matter of time before a person killed them self by trying to out-do another planker's stunt. In Japan and Australia, officials have posted signs warning people of the dangers of planking and spots where they could get hurt doing the deed.

I haven't seen cup-stacking on ESPN in a while so, hopefully that sport has finally sailed.  But it looks like planking isn't going anywhere soon.  Get ready to see the see it showcased on the X-Games.

The next time you see a jobless, smart-ass hipster lying like a stiff corpse face down blocking the sidewalk, across a park bench or on a subway track, don't shake your head and call him a slacker--he might be the next modern-day sports star.

New York Yankees Fans Hoped A.J. Burnett Was Divorcing Team

ESPN radio host Colin Cowherd reported yesterday that New York Yankee righthander, A.J. Burnett went through a "terrible" divorce this past season.  Darek Braunecker, Burnett's agent, called the "report" untrue and personal problems did not contribute to the Yankee pitcher's poor season.

Cowherd ticked off Braunecker by claiming on his radio show that Burnett "went through a terrible divorce and he still might be going through it."  Cowherd continued by saying, "His wife was vindictive and spiteful.  I don't even feel comfortable telling you [the audience] everything.  The stories are ugly."

Braunecker denied the report and said, "Colin Cowherd has no idea what he's talking about.  A.J. Burnett is not in the process nor was he ever in the process of of getting a divorce.  It's unequivocally false, and it's really irresponsible of Colin Cowherd to report that.  We've taken issue with that."

The agent claimed neither Cowherd or anyone from ESPN contacted him before airing the story and that Burnett was aware of the report.

Burnett may not be going through a messy divorce, according to his agent, but his second season as a Yankee was ugly and his relationship with fans is definitely on-the-rocks.

He finished 2010 with a record of 10-15 and an ERA of 5.26 and was inconsistent throughout the year.  Yankee fans have called for the disappointing starter to be relegated to the bullpen.  It might still be hard for the Bleacher Creatures to find it in their pinstripe hearts to believe that marital problems were the root of his erratic performance on the mound--even if they were true.

Braunecker railed against the radio show host's report and said, "This is irresponsible on Cowherd's part.  His reporting inaccuracies should be brought to light.  This must be his idea of shock jockery."

As Braunecker considered what actions they can take against Cowherd he stressed, "They [Burnett and his wife Karen] are happily married."

The LeBron Hour

By Tony Mangia

Everyone is all set tonight for ESPN's broadcast of The Decision: LeBron James. The King will finally let the millions of people with no lives know where he is going. There was speculation that because the show is being broadcast from Connecticut, he was going to the Knicks. Madison Square Garden is only an hour away, they reasoned. He could be going to Boston with that kind of logic. For Jay-Z's sake, Newark is only a fifteen minute PATH ride from the Garden, so he could be going to the Nets. Enough with the geography angle, the NBA season doesn't begin for three months and he has his own private jet, anyway.

Then, I reasoned Martha Stewart was even closer, so maybe he was taking that P.A. job on her show. LeBron has shown a knack for entertaining and his commercials are fan favorites. You gotta start somewhere. Finally, it dawned on me, what better way to garner a captive audience for a new show than to have a fake press conference? From unidentified sources, I've found out that---like MTV did with music videos---ESPN is eliminating sports news and will be only be showing reality shows and sit-coms. Tonight is the premier of One is Enough, LeBron's new comedy.

At first, I was angry because tonight I had my heart set on Larry King (gonna miss the old coot) and the last period of MLL All-Star game. That's the pro-lacrosse league for anyone who doesn't live on Long Island or in Maryland.

NO ROSES FOR CLEVELAND?

I was ready to accept the conceit and arrogance of LeBron making a spectacle of himself while breaking up with Cleveland in front of 18 million people. Most sensitive guys do it by e-mail. He was ready to draw it out for an hour on live television. Can't imagine Derek Jeter breaking the hearts of Yankee fans like that. Kevin Durant---one of the NBA's rising stars---just quietly signed five year deal with the Thunder---wherever that team plays---even Kobe Bryant was a church mouse when he opted for the Lakers six years ago. Then, I heard the wonderful news---it was all a ploy to get One is Enough off with a bang.

ESPN TO PREMIER NEW SIT-COM

One is Enough, the new half-hour sit-com stars LeBron as L.B., an ex-college basketball star with a career-ending injury, who moves into the Akron, Ohio home of his grumpy high school basketball coach played by that other advertising chucker, Peyton Manning. It's guaranteed to be funnier than Dane Cook and any of the dozen Tyler Perry comedies put together. It's like The White Shadow---with less afros--- for these sports-obsessed times .

The hilarity begins when Coach's wife, Roseanne Barr---who coaches the girl's hoops team with her curious bench coach, played by Ellen DeGeneres---keeps trying to break an 129 game losing streak. Boy, is she fun to be around. L.B. has to share a bedroom with the rebellious teenage daughter, named Tiger, played by---sans bracelet---Lindsay Lohan. Sparks fly whenever L.B. tries to put his Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade posters over her pinups of Robert Pattinson. The tension is high, but they always seem to kiss and make up...a lot. More hijinks abound whenever little Nicholas', the precocious, white kid with a bowl-haircut from next store, draws L.B. into his innocent schemes, which always seem to backfire.

A SPECIAL EPISODE

In tonight's episode, the Coach scolds L.B. and little Nicholas for making prank "verbal commitment" phone calls to John Calipari and Coach K. Betty White guest-stars as the brassy---and foul-mouthed---grandmother. She cheats on her husband, played by Digger Phelps, and, tonight, seduces Rick Pitino, in exchange for L.B.'s scholarship, on a dining room table inside a Kentucky BBQ.

In future episodes, more laughs ensue when Tiger gets a mispelled F**** U tattooed on her forehead and gets caught carnally recruiting prospects in a college dorm, while little Nicholas gets a life lesson, from guest star Plaxico Burress, after accidentally (or is it?) shooting an annoying recruiter, named Kiffon, played to typecast perfection by Michael Strahan. To say the least, Coach has his hands full and man, do the audibles fly.