In the midst of all of my family devastation, I am going to break up with Frenchi. It's too long to go into the details of why. I am breaking up with him, because I'll beat him to the punch, in fact I think he'd rather I do it, and recent behaviours have led me here. I also know I'm not overacting to things, it's been a lot of things over time that have my gut telling me what my head would rather not accept. I'm not sure if it's tonight, I wish I could. Wish I could just pull off the damn bandaid. I know it seems shocking considering what I've written and felt, but I have a lot on my plate with my very ill relative and spending energy to see what's wrong with us, feels wrong.
It's been almost a year, but a year of long distance doesn't fit into a month, so I want to be practical about the loss. I'm terribly disappointed. I'm also not that surprised. He's a man with a past who sees more past in his future - if you get my drift. I felt special enough for awhile to feel he was my future and thought he had finally found his. Blah, blah, blah...I hate mushy stuff.
So yea...
Later the same night Update:After crying for a good half hour on the phone about my family situation and not being able to breath through my nose I said:
Me: Are we going to make it?
Him: I think so.
The 'think so' was telling. I wrapped it up saying I appreciated his proffered offer of support and that if its from his heart I'd take it. I let him know that I deserved more than being a burden and not to use my recent circumstances to feel bad about moving in a new direction if that was where he wanted to go. I said I needed to put a lot of energy into my family in coming weeks and it was probably good he was busy where he was. I said I didn't want to be wasting energy on wondering if we were ok. I basically left it in his court. I gave him the freedom to move on if he chooses. We shall see what he decides - I'm sure he has a lot of thinking to do. My thinking has got to move away from him to my family, if he's there when the dust settles it will mean a lot.
Next morning update:He text me telling me to call him. Normally he calls me after first asking if I'm available. I called.
Me: Demanding a call. I like it. (insert laugh)
Him: (laughs) I wanted you to call me.
Ensuing small talk about how my sleep was and his was and what I had planned for the day. He said he would call on his coffee break. Interesting development. He'd been aloof, distant, this even after the devastating news I'd had. Was it my simple statement allowing him his freedom if he chose it. I think so. I think he though he had me lock, stock and barrel and my willingness to let go may have shown him that he had something to lose. Anyone want to weigh in with their two cents?
