Accusations.

About 3 months ago, I was accused of being two faced.

I was accused of this because I was polite to someone that I really, really can't stand. And yes, there are definately people out there that I can't stand. More than a handful, but less than a gaggle. I really try not to dislike or hate people, but alas...I am human. And there are people out there that I can't stand. Now, don't let this information get you into a tizzy. There are people out there that you can't stand, either. Just admit it. Admitting it is the first step towards acceptance, you know.

But, I digress...

So recently, I was told, via Facebook (isn't it odd that we get 75% of our interaction via social networking sites? I personally love it. I detest talking on the phone. Which is, ironically enough, a giant thorn in some of my friend's sides. They want me to answer their calls and then sit there and shoot the breeze. I say nay! Shooting the breeze is a miserable experience for me. Just IM me. I prefer that because I can start and stop and start and stop, etc etc etc....which, with 4 children, is a must.)

Ok, again, I've digressed...

I was told that because I smiled and said hello to someone at the store that I openly dislike makes me two faced. Let's explore this, shall we? So here is the breakdown: I hate hypocrites. It doesn't mean that I have never acted hypocritically, because I have. Everyone has. It's part of being a human being. Occasionally, we're going to contradict ourselves, and act like a hypocrite. However, because I am so viciously repulsed by hypocrites, I try really, really hard not to be one. If I say I believe in something, I stand behind it. If I say something, whether it be intelligent, wise, stupid, mean, moronic, or dirty...I stand behind it. Occasionally, I don't want to stand behind it. Usually because I am cringing that I've said something so incredibly unintelligent and un-thought-out. But I stand behind it. I have to! If I don't, I am no worse than the hypocrites I know! One way to see who is hypocritical or not in your circle of friends is to talk politics. That will bring out the hypocrite in anyone!

But, I need to get back to the point:

So there are certain people that I avoid, because they are hypocritical, and I can't seem to keep my big, fat mouth shut, and I need to keep a safe distance (a buffer, if you will) between myself and those people, otherwise I will have to play the "lets say something exceptionally cutting that you have to clean up the mess from later"  game. I hate that game. So I have had to weed out my relationships over the years. Decide who I am really friends with, and decide who I am maintaining pseudo friendships with just to save face. If I am faking it, I need to pull away. No friendship should be based on maintaining social status or, crudely put, to "save face". If it is someone who makes me want to pull my own hair out and bang my head against a wall....it's probably best if I pull away. For everyone's sake. Otherwise I am going to be tempted to say something rude somewhere along the way that I am going to have to apologize for, and I think it's best to avoid that situation all together. Why put yourself into a situation where you will be tempted to cuss someone out and call them a "douche bag"? Am I right, or am I right?
So anyway, I ran into someone that I have had to pull away from at the store. I smiled politely and said "hello" (not "Hello, douche bag" like I might have been tempted to say) then I walked away. When I relayed this short interaction to a friend later, that friend said I was being, say it with me now...two faced. Well, when that was said, it shocked me. I didn't think I'd acted two faced at all. In fact, I'd been patting myself on the back for not throwing a can of dog food at this person's head, and then cussing them out in Italian! (I don't speak Italian, but so help me...it sounds so fun and exciting when someone curses and yells in Italian on the movies.) I was actually congratulating myself on a job well done.

Woops.

Apparently, I was supposed to ram my cart into this persons, spit at their feet, and possibly pull a Chuck Norris, and round house kick them in the face. Apparently, that was what would properly express my feelings towards this person. Apparently, being polite, albeit short, with that person was "unrealistically representing myself". Apparently, by my saying a quick hello, offering a brief, tight mouthed smile, then walking past, was the wrong thing to do. Apparently, it was "two faced".

Huh. Go figure.

Because I kinda thought that if I ignored that person, despite the fact that we both locked eyes and knew that we'd seen each other, and our mutual dislike for each other was written all over both of our faces...would be sort of...how shall I say? High school. And I don't know if any one else has realized this...and I understand that it may be shocking, but: I am 34 years old.  Yes, yes, I realize that it's hard to understand beings I am so thin and hot and sassy and talented and have such great hair....

SNORT.

Okay, okay, enough. I mean, yes for the hair, but everything else...come on. My age is apparent in everything I do. I am 34 freakin' years old! I can't go stomping around a grocery store, casting dirty looks at every person I might have a distaste for. Has anyone met me? If I do that, I'd be growling at 75% of the people I see! This may come as a surprise...but I don't often like people. I prefer to sit in my house, writing, avoiding social situations like a root canal. When I go out and do things, it takes a lot for me to be able to do that. So if I am true to my initial feelings towards someone, I will be grouchy all the time. Because I am grouchy all the time. Duh. So what purpose does it serve for me to stomp past someone in a store and cast them dirty looks? Other than making life more difficult for myself? If I go around hating everyone, eventually they're all going to wind up hating me right back (rightfully so) and I am going to be socially ostercized (sp?) even more so than I already am.

When I smiled and said hello, then went on about my business before I opened my mouth and said "HEY GUESS WHAT? WHEN EVER I THINK ABOUT YOU, I GET A STOMACH ACHE!" I was doing the *gasp!* mature thing. I am 34 years old. I can't give people the silent treatment outside of the lockers between classes anymore. Once you hit your 30's you have to become adult enough to let your feelings for someone go, and present yourself politely. If you can't, you're setting yourself up for social drama. And I, for one, am way, way over social drama. So when I said my tight lipped "hello" to that person, it wasn't me being two faced.

It was me being mature.

Huh.

Go figure.

I actually learned how to act my age. Many doubted this would ever happen. I, for one, was wondering if maturity would ever set it. But it has. I said hello to the hypocrite. And I'm learning (slowly) how to keep my mouth shut when I want to call someone a douche bag. And I am learning how to keep politics to a minimum between friends (even more slowly). And I am learning how to walk away when I want to fight. And I am learning to distance myself from people who are toxic. These haven't been easy lessons for me to learn. In fact, I am still working on most of them. Being mature isn't second nature for me. Being loud and mouthy and spiteful and obnoxious does. But....I am learning. I am growing up.

*Tear, tear* I'm so proud... (In my mother's voice. She's been waiting a long time for this.)

So to the friend who accused me of being two faced: I'm sorry you feel that way. Just take comfort in knowing that if I run into YOU at the store, I will not throw a can of dog food at your head and call you a douche bag (out loud).

And to the "friend" I offered a tight lipped "hello" to: Take pride in knowing that despite the fact that I think you're a giant, hypocritical tool, I chose the right, kept my mouth shut (not an easy feat) and walked past without any injuries.

And to both of you: You're welcome. :)

Brooke Moss.