The perfect sister

It was two weeks ago today a large tumour was discovered in my sister's head.  It wasn't in a great place and the neuro surgeon advised my sister to get her affairs in order.  The emotions I've experienced over the last two weeks have been more intense than I would have imagined.  We live five minutes apart and  see each other frequently.  We are close, although for many years we struggled to find our place with each other.  She's the perfect one, the prettiest and if not the smartest one, still very intelligent and very capable.  She's the one with a list of friends a mile long, I know that because I had to call them yesterday.    

About a month ago we were sitting in her perfect backyard having a coffee and she told me I intimidated her.  She said I was always interesting and had so much going on in my life that she felt her life was boring in comparison.  I was shocked.  Honestly nothing could have surprised me more than that news.  Her life and her personality are so above my own I'd always felt a bit 'less than' when I was with her.  After her confession I confessed I hadn't invited her to an event I was going to with my best friend because I was sure my friend would like her better and have more fun with her.  It was great to honestly admit our insecurities and to realize we both struggled with a bit of envy.  It levelled the playing field for both of us.  

We are able to be real when it comes to certain family dynamics which have impacted both of us differently. My mother's obsession with thinness has made all three of her daughters neurotic in different ways.  My youngest sister is anorexic and is a good 60 pounds lighter than I am and we're the same height.  I am the 'heavy' one of the family.  I chose to be heavier for a few years because I didn't want to give in to idea of pleasing my mom, I was the fattish rebel.  I still consider myself fat around my family and yes I know how crazy that is, but it doesn't change the feeling. My recently ill sister and I could talk openly about the issues and it's helped me tremendously.  

When I faced the thought of losing her, it terrified me.  I'd be alone in my family.  Even this week with family in town I've been isolated.  My ill sister knew this would happen and prepared me for it, it was nice to have her support, which is weird considering how much she needed it.  But that's her, she is looking out for everyone else.  We cooked her husband meals this week, so he could eat while she was in hospital.  She didn't do it out of obligation, she did it out of love.  

I'm very thankful I could see that her future is brighter than I could have imagined.  I know she's going to have a road ahead, I'm not naive about it, but I know her mind's intact and that was a huge worry for me.   My sister is body, mind and soul.  I'm really lucky to have her and I'm grateful we had nothing to repair and nothing left unsaid.  Life today is very, very good.