My missing muse.

Today I've decided to talk about the forgotten condiment.....

Horseradish sauce. 


Okay, before any of you ask....let me explain why I've decided to devote an entire blog to horseradish sauce.

You see...last night my muse left me in a lurch. She disappeared. Poof. Gone. Just like that.

My first instinct was to go face first into the fridge and eat my troubles away. However, I am on a diet. A dirty, stinking, rotten diet that makes me want to punch someone in the head. So eating my troubles away was not a good idea. I needed to be strong.

So.....


I laid in my bed and simply thought about food. Yes. That's what fat people do when they're bored or frustrated. And if a fat person, like myself, tells you otherwise, they're lying. When we can't have food, we think about food.


So anyway....all I could focus on was how very much I wanted a fat chunk of prime rib, cooked medium, with a lovely side of horseradish sauce.

And that was when I realized: Horseradish sauce is sort of ostracized in the world of condiments. It's harsh, hot, and makes people's nose run. People see horseradish coming and say, "Oh, geez, no thanks. Too hot for me." and they take their sandwiches elsewhere. To lame old mayonnaise and mustard territory. 

Or...even more lame than that....catsup land. Good grief. Talk about unsophisticated. 

So, as I lay there in the dark, too mad to talk to my husband (because of an argument over halloween costumes I don't really want to rehash...for obvious reasons.), emotionally hungry, and literally sweating bullets over images of prime rib with horseradish sauce.


Oh yes....all of that fatty, greasy goodness...

Smothered in some lovely creamy horseradish....

*Whimper* I didn't go to sleep for a long time.


But this whole situation got me thinking...where did horseradish sauce come from? And how in the crap did it get its ridiculous name? And why in the world is my husband giving me a hard time about what I want him to wear to the Halloween party, when he doesn't even like Halloween, anyway??

Okay scratch that last question. That's personal, and we're not getting into that today. We're discussing horseradish sauce. 


So today, instead of getting back to the chapter that is eluding me like a ghost in the night...I decided to do some research on the origin of Horseradish Sauce.

Here is the definition of horseradish:

horse·rad·ishNoun/ˈhôrsˌradiSH/

1. A European plant (Armoracia rusticana) of the cabbage family, grown for its pungent root.

Well, color me surprised. I had no idea that it was a root. In fact, had I known, I might have hesitated a bit before consuming it the way I usually do. I mean....a root. Eew.

But I got over myself quickly once I read this on Wikepedia:

"Horseradish has been cultivated since antiquity. According to Greek mythology, the Delphic Oracle told Apollo that the horseradish was worth its weight in gold"

I mean, worth its weight in gold? Um, yeah. I could have told you that. Seriously, I love this crap. I put it on everything. You give me beef, I smother it in horseradish. Period.

So then I started thinking about how people respond to horseradish sauce. They tear up, they get runny noses, their mouths burn....they either love it, or hate it. But there's not an ounce of indifference when it comes to horseradish sauce. It's all or nothing when it comes to horseradish.

Same with me.

People either love or hate me. There doesn't seem to be much in-between with me. *SIGH*

Personally, I love the way horseradish makes me feel. I think horseradish is a hero amongst condiments.

I think horseradish deserves more respect.

A place amongst the standards in the condiment world. Instead of having to loom in the background, only to come out on holidays when large cuts of meat are on the menu, I think it should be kept in the forefront. With the mayonnaise and mustard. And that d*mn , dopey catsup.

Because horseradish has the gonads to stand up for itself! To burn mouths when it would be so much easier to hide until prime rib night. Horseradish isn't afraid to offend. To make people cry. To take things meals to the next level. 

Okay.....

I think it's clear that I need to get back to work. My muse has officially turned into a jar of horseradish sauce. Who ever said being a writer was easy, was WRONG.

A girl can go bat sh*t crazy doing this crap!

Brooke Moss.

P.S. I will leave you with this...

I know, right????