I decided to clean my bookshelf out to make way for business books - I'm reading them abundantly lately. Can one read abundantly? Hmmmm....
Anywhoo I came across a diary. I'm going to write my first entry when I was a young 18 year old virgin.
I love how I'm still the same and yet different. I fell in love with myself just a little bit by reading it.
Dear Diary (I really wrote that!),
I'm 18 years old and I haven't done anything really important in my life. I'm afraid I can't even be my own person when I write in this diary. I don't really know who I am. I'm 18 and going through an identity crisis. I constantly psychoanalyze myself, I think I'm fake and shallow. Now I'm at a loss for words because I sound like I hate myself. I don't really, sometimes I think I like myself too much. I think I'm pretty, but I constantly put myself down because I wouldn't want anybody to think I was conceited. I look in the mirror and I see a girl who look like she might be nice to meet. "Pretty and intelligent looking" my dermatologist told me. (2011 comment insert - kinda funny that my skin doctor said that, kinda casts some doubt on pretty haha) If this is so why don't I make many friends? Especially boyfriends. I've went this whole summer without a boyfriend, a first for me!
I'm shy, and this was the main cause for me getting drunk last Sat. night. I hate writing that it makes me sound crude and disgusting I thought if I got feeling good at Kevin's party I would be a real hit. Instead I made passes at the host, who is going with a good friend of mine, and got sick in his bathroom. I looked terrible! Thinking about that makes me go red with embarresment. I fully deserved the hangover I got the next day I couldn't even work at the motel, my sister had to take my place.
I think I've pretty well exhausted the subject of myself so I'll sign off - I hope desperately no one ever reads this.
Hey younger, cuter self bet you didn't think that one day hundreds of people would read it did you?
I left punctuation, spelling and grammar as it was written, not too shabby if I do say so myself. She's really rather lovely, wrestling with identity at an age that is known for it and not having a clue that it was normal. Boys, boys, boys. Eventually Kevin would take my virginity and it was horrible and had long lasting effects on my psyche. If only I could have protected her better...
