I met with my best friend today. It's very apparent that was once a vibrant, fun relationship is no longer. That I'm going through a divorce with her husband plays the biggest part if not the whole of it. Divorce with her husband you ask? Well my bff wasn't my sister wife if that's what you were thinking, and I know you weren't. Her husband was my boss for seven years. She's been my friend for 18. I said at the time I took the job that if it ruined my relationship with her it would be the worst thing I'd ever done meaning taking the job. Here it is after a very polite conversation watching her eight year old play football I knew it's over. We both said almost simultaneously at the end of our 90 minute painful meeting, "keep in touch." I can tell you not once in 18 years have those words exited our mouths and that we both arrived there tells me she knows it's over too.
There are so many unspoken things floating in the air around us that it's thick. Her husband's character is of serious question to me and I was treated not only badly but fairly abusively before I left. My best friends father has taken on my role and he openly disdains me. What chance does she have in keeping our friendship? I also wonder about her too, a natural feeling seeing as how she watched it all unfold. She did tell me once that she felt I was getting a raw deal and particularily hated how her dad talked to me. She's not a huge fan of her father and told me she didn't understand why her husband would bring him into the company. I haven't behaved unethically and stayed long after my welcome in order to see a healthy transition. It didn't go the way I feel it should have. The owner is an absentee manager/leader and had never directed the agency, he left that to me. When he cut my pay by many thousands of dollars after the market took a dip and then told me I was unlikely to see the return of them, then added he was changing the business model giving me more responsibility and less support I knew my days were numbered. I came up with my own business idea the week between Christmas and New Years. I told him of my plan, I told him I needed to recapture my lost income and that what I saw as a part time opportunity to begin with could grow into full time down the road. He didn't ask what the idea was. That was January. In mid-February I lost a key person due to an unexpected family situation and I was now on my own running a multi-million dollar, high risk company without a senior manager. (I'd already lost key people - one in November and another one in February and had no permission to hire replacements). Then when the family situation arose with the senior manager two junior team members handed in their resignations, seeing the writing on their already busy wall.
At the start of January the boss had told me he'd be bringing on my bff's father. I was happy he had a plan. After the sudden departure of three key people leaving me down five managers I asked when he'd be starting, we were reaching a critical situation. He said he didn't know. I gave my written notice one week later saying I'd be leaving in five weeks. I knew it was going to take a serious fire under the owner to move him in a sensible direction. It wasn't a bluff. I was going but I said I'd continue as long as he'd like after the end date as a consultant using my own company. He said he was interested.
Father in law didn't arrive until my fifth week of notice! When he met me on the Monday, he told me he'd let me know Wednesday if I'd be there past Friday. I was flabbergasted. This is not an easy enterprise and there was no one who knew my job or was capable of taking it - including him. He was from an entirely different sector, 65 and didn't know how far in over his head he'd be. On Wednesday he asked if I would work two days a week for the next six weeks. I agreed. He brought with him a former co-worker of his to train in a senior management position and I was to get her ready for the job. (This was interesting because I was told there would be no other managers -which was a crazy decision to begin with) The job prep was for a role other than my own and I did as good a job as can be done with a person who had no idea what the job was about or education to back it up. She really didn't want the responsibility and it was a very responsible role. I gave my concerns to the new guy and the owner. They paid little heed. She quit eight weeks after my last day. Through a trusted source I heard that one of her reasons for leaving was witnessing how awful I'd been treated. Apparently she was appalled. i.e.
my last day they didn't buy me lunch or acknowledge I was leaving and she was the only one to offer to take my belonging to my car. I worked hard during my part time stint and was told numerous times that I'd be contracted for my services. Made sense to me. No one had even bothered to ask what I did or what I was in charge of.
It was very surprising to me when I was told I could stay only if I gave 25% of my profits of my new company to my boss. WTF! This was a ludicrous proposal, but rather than laugh in his face I gave myself a night to think about it before turning it down. When I said I'd be interested in contracting but wouldn't consider the profit piece I was cut off. My business phone was cut off immediately. They had kept me attached in order to ask me questions when things came up.
Recently I was told that pension monies I'd been expecting to be paid out would not be forthcoming. I've decided to let that go, it was under $10,000 and I don't have the time or money to pursue it. So you can see there's been a nasty divorce going on with my best friend's husband and her dad is part of the mess.
I'm thankful for my experience at the company because for 6 of the 7 years it was very beneficial. I wouldn't be able to start my new business without the old one. That my old boss is furious that I won't share profits is his own issue and one he needs to search his character for. His lack of insight into his own part in what he feels is my betrayal does not bode well for his company down the road. When he finally realized what my company was about (helping others succeed) he was very angry, he felt I was taking away competitive advantage. This is not even close to the truth. The companies I support are required to meet contractual and standard obligations and they all do, their struggle is in managing the details and planning effectively. There will be no new number of companies surviving, they'll just be thriving with my support. Just like his company did with me there. He was so shortsighted in his approach to a market crunch raising his wife's salary, lowering mine not to mention that many years earlier I'd advised a reserve fund for times such as this and he hadn't done it. He lost fantastic intellectual capital which he'd helped create all for short term financial gain. I've seen this family go from a very low income and joblessness to wealth in a relatively short time period (10 years), I wonder if the sense of power he has in building two companies due to his significant gifts as an entrepreneur have made him lose sight of what builds a business - people.
My friend and I kept things very neutral and saw each other frequently throughout the entanglement. Now that it's permanently unresolvable I can only imagine the stress it creates for her to be involved with me. She has made a million excuses to cancel our walks or visits and even lately when I could use a friend because of my sisters illness she has been absent. Today was a polite ending to a chapter. We both respect each other enough not to bring the drama and the blame. I thought I'd be sadder than I am, at one point this would have devastated me. Maybe I'm just emotionless because of what's transpired and the energy it takes to avoid at least 50% of my life (my new company and their company) is too much. Sorry for the book, but damn it feels to get that out!
