Double ugh.
I am not an advice giver. Nope. Not ever. I think advice givers are the kinds of people who take themselves very seriously and who hold themselves in very high regard. Blech. Those kinds of people give me diarrhea.
Oh, wait. I take that back, I guess I have given advice a time or two. When it has been solicited. But, when I do give people advice, I always try to prelude my words with things like, "This is what I would do." or "take this with a big, fat grain of salt."
Because an expert, on anything, I am not.
There are a few things I know plenty about:
1.) Floral design. (I had someone once tell me that my floral work wasn't as good as I said it was...to which I promptly Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her in the face. Or...I wanted to. Because I am good. There are very few things on this earth that I can say with full confidence that I do well, but a bridal bouquet? Um, yah. Done and done. Don't contest me on that.)
2.) Writing a good story. (I can write a good story. Now.....I can't edit, rewrite, design the cover for, or publicize that story worth a d*mn without the help of some talented professionals. But write a story? It's in the bag.)
3.) Make lasagna. (This is the only thing I can cook with full confidence. Everything else is a heap of blah in a casserole dish, unless it's worse--which has been known to happen. I hate cooking. I do it, every day in fact, but I don't enjoy it. I do enough to sustain life, and that is where my skill set ends.)
But do I offer career advice? Marriage advice? Friendship advice? Money advice? Landscaping advice? Decorating advice? Advice, advice, advice, advice?
Um......no.
Because I, like everyone else on this earth, am a work in progress. I have no business acting like some guru on a mountain top.
But that doesn't stop people from acting like they are my personal guru on the mountain top.
Oh yes....we all know someone like that. Someone who is justified in every...single...thing they say. Someone who offers advice long before anybody actually asks for it. Someone who expects people to listen when they speak and disappear when they're not speaking.
Ah, yes. We all have one of those people in our lives.
Blech.
People like that start talking, and I get strange physical ailments. Like shingles, mono, influenza, migraines, strep throat, UTI's, crabs, athletes foot, charlie horses, ear infections, zits, and even split ends.
Yeah...try telling an unsolicited advice giver that his/her voice is giving you split ends. It doesn't go over so well.
Lately I've been working on blocking people like that out. When they speak, I try to go to my happy place....
Or sometimes here....
But usually here....
Oh, yes. That's where.
Because round house kicking someone in the face, Chuck Norris style, doesn't always pan out in my favor. Neither does telling people to cool it. Sometimes that goes over almost as bad as when I round house kick them in the face. *SIGH*
Advice givers....oy. They make me nuts.
Blah blah blah.....your voice gives me syphilis.
Brooke Moss.
