(I am a firm believer that the people who offer advice are often times the ones who need to take it. But that's just been my life experience.)
I decided to share this little nugget with you:
When you're feeling great...feeling good about yourself, your life, your successes, your achievements, and even the most basic of things...your hair, body, clothes, driving skills, humor, opinions...
Somebody will always be there to knock you down.
Always.
Now, this doesn't mean you curl up in a ball, suck your thumb, and give up. Well, it doesn't mean I will, anyway. Like my mom told me once in high school when I was feeling really down about something someone said about me: It's what you do with yourself after you've been knocked off of your pedestal that counts.
You know, I think she was on to something.
Yesterday should have been one of the best days of my life. I achieved something I'd been working towards for years...my entire life, really...and it should have been an incredibly jubilant day. However, I worked all day--and by all day, I mean all day, in between bouts of mommy duty and new pet-owner duty. Then I got into an hour long screaming match with my idiot ex husband, something I really try to avoid at all costs, but yesterday my emotions got the best of me, and I wound up acting in a way I work extremely hard at NOT behaving like.
Blech. I hate being an idiot. To fight with my ex husband is the mental and maturity equivalent of banging my head against a tree. No really. It is.
Then I went to a celebratory dinner with friends to hail the debut of my first published novel. Now, it is important to share that 90% of the dinner was fabulous and my friends were incredibly supportive and happy for me. However....there was a 10% that didn't go so well. In fact, I wound up getting insulted. Several times. In fact, I came home and burst into tears when I saw my husband, because I felt like my special day was--in all honesty--a big fat bust.
A turd in the punchbowl of life.
Between the long argument with my ex and the handful of snide comments later...I felt like my night of celebration turned out to be less than what I'd had hoped for.
Now....this would be a good time to add that there is a definite possibility I am being too sensitive here. That's been....er....*known* to happen a time or two. However, when someone insults you while you're already feeling sort of emotionally weakened by a run in with the moron who used to be your husband....you're bound to be a little bit thin skinned. Just saying.
I spent most of today thinking about it. Thinking about the argument, playing and replaying it in my head, thinking about how I could have handled myself better, or how I could have chosen to let certain things go, even though I really didn't have to. (But a bigger person would have)
Ugh.
And I played and replayed dinner in my head. I thought about the handful of times when someone said something that made me wince a little bit. Normally, I am not the kind of girl who takes an insult, or takes someone bossing me around, or takes unsolicited criticism lying down. But...I am also a girl who is constantly working on being a better person. (This is no small feat...I would be a real raging bitch if I just went with my natural instincts)
So I tried....TRIED...to turn the other cheek. Let it go. Let it drop. Let it lie.
So why do I keep replaying these things and getting more and more irritated and insulted by it???
It's really true. When you are at your highest point, there is always going to be somebody there to knock you down. Whether it is a cruel ex husband or an unassuming friend...someone is always going to knock the wind out of your sails....
It's just up to you to decide what you're going to do afterward.
I am going to be smarter in the future. If I want to celebrate the release of a book, I will only do it with people who read my books and enjoy them. If I want to talk about my career with someone, I will only do it with someone who cares. Really cares. They're out there. I went to dinner with a couple of them last night.
I'm not going to let my ex husband bring me down. There is a reason, a big one, that I left him years ago, and I am not about to let someone I kicked to the curb bring me down to such an immature level again.
And when I am feeling emotionally vulnerable after such incidents, I am going to avoid people who are remotely unsupportive. It's not their fault they're saying the wrong things. It's my fault that I am letting their words hurt me.
Okay....enough of the pep talk for now. I am going to take a breather, and go critique a chapter for someone now. That will be a nice, lovely break from all of the melodrama.
Brooke Moss.
P.S. It is important to say that this self-awareness blog was sponsored by Tillamook Cheese Curds. Literally saved me from crying...again.
