I was seeking a dominant man primarily for sexual thrill and my brief foray into the kink community left me pretty disappointed. I only met one person who I felt would be relationship material and he rejected me. He reads here, you know who you are, R. He wouldn't say rejected, we're still in touch, he would say we weren't a match other than sexually. Kinky dude.
Now that I've met the man I hope to permanently attach to, I reflect on my true nature. My response to him was immediately physical but putting that aside does my supposed submissive nature respond to him outside of the bedroom (kitchen, basement...). First I have to look at his personality, is he dominating? No. He's probably one of the most low key, laid back people I know. But...does he look to me for direction? No way. Does he know what he wants? Yes. Would he dump me if I became a needy, clingy, whiny bitch? Yes. Does he care if I jump to his every need? No.
My submissiveness comes from learning as much as I can about him. Listening to his past experiences with women and with life and gleaning from it. I aim to please him, not because I want anything in return but because it gives me pleasure. Looking from the outside in right now I can say assuredly I'm a submissive woman. This doesn't answer the question of whether other women are submissive like me. I'm limited in determining this, I don't have a 100 women friends who are willing to answer a questionnaire. My gut tells me yes they are. Biologically I believe women are wired to find the 'breeder' who will offer them the most protection and will win battles. When a man comes along that she identifies as being stronger than her she will submit.
Our culture places a great deal of emphasis on women being the boss, wearing the pants, being strong, I feel this sets women up. It becomes embarrassing to admit you like a man who is the leader in the home. Women will joke about it in small groups, we talk about being dragged by the hair to the cave and it turns most of us on. In theory. In practice, a man who takes charge is seen as a bully and the woman will do everything to win the power struggle.
I don't believe in power struggles, they waste energy. My first (and only) long term relationship was a battle royale from day one it seemed, it was me trying to assert my own dominance because I had a mother who resented her own submissive nature and wanted her daughters to rebel. I felt I owed her. It took me a long time to realize I wasn't battling him, I was battling my nature.
My new mate is smarter, funnier, has more future orientation than I do. He's alpha all the way which makes my submission easy peasey, lucky, lucky me. I'm at peace at long last.
