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Five kids started Law School
in Autumn's Gothic Season.
Children bright, with much ambition;
without the money for tuition.
All were dead within five years,
by suicide, so it appears.
and each one for the self-same reason.
Read on if you think I'm teasin'.
Such a sad and Evil story,
they died in shame, and not in glory;
for the darkest sin that's known to man
is to take one's life with one's own hand.
Two were girls, and three were lads;
They joined their wrists and made a vow:
That they would start a Firm somehow;
and as one did, so all would act,
and many clients they'd attract,
after they were JD grads.
They all stepped off the bus at Tar-oh
early on an August day....but,
like runaways in Hollywood,
they had to sell themselves to stay.
In their case it was kind of fun,
they signed an X, and with a Hex, the deed was done!
No need to worry 'bout tomorrow,
The student loans were there to borrow!
But on that first and fateful day,
and ere they stepped inside,
all were seen to shrink and pause--
a dreadful cloud, both swift and wide
cast a shadow on their way,
and doubts upon their cause.
"What evil place is this?" they asked.
"What witchcraft lurks inside?"
What force has guided nature's hand
to cast this dreadful pall?
They looked around and whispered:
"Woe betide us all!"
(And the teachers floated dimly by,
in Motley dress, with web-like shawls.)
1. Billy was the first to go,
He blew his brains out with a shotgun.
2. Next was Jenny, who, for fun,
made a Swan Dive from a bridge,
in blinding snow,
and struck cold water far below.
3. Celeste, the Artsy-Craftsy one,
clever and footloose,
used her good hands to make a noose,
and, with a face both tight and grim,
her clumsy feet slipped from a limb.
4. Next came little Feety Petey,
and as you all will see,
he sliced his two arms viciously.
Not a Good Boy, he was Bad!
(Some say Angry, Some say Sad.
and some say simply Mad!).
Jurisprudence Class The Socratic Method
Riff Says:
"There's a price no man will pay for living!"
2
So please come home now Jenny,
Jenny! Jenny!
* Al Lord of Sallie Mae
4
Footsie Pajamas
Poor, Poor little Footsie, now white as a sheet,
5
Lousy, Rotten, Spoiled kid,
Ye splattered up me Choo-Choo!
I was going like a missle
din'cha hear me whistle?
Three times I went Whoo Woo!
Whoo Woo!
Whoo Woo!
Kids like you should be out--
Rockin and rollin!
So why's there someone out here now,
a scrapin up yer colon?
Didn't ya hear me Toot?
What were ya--- Drunk?
a sodden, Coot?
or smokin' on some kind er' crack?
cause now yer splattered all o'er the tracks--
why can't you kids get yer acts
together?
I'm a tall an' union man
not ese tu be understandin--
I played football in my day
ten stone an' a hundred pounds
i'd get yer ass in shape,
cause I'm a grumpy growly bear
a great big bearie from the prarie
ready to stampede ye
into dust
an' now yer perfect tibula (or was it fibula)
is stoppin up the chains of me
mitsie bishula, or somethin'
crazy, loco,
motive
who'd a thunk that solid bone,
could make a great an pow'ferl engine moan?
Ho kidde yer a bad one!
Why'd ya jump?
Was it just for fun?
My life is oh so settled,
and now my equanimity is nettled-
because of you,
(Realize, I've a wife and children,
to command.)
For It is I,
in the prettiest of all the seats--
a Tom o' cats
and need not heed
humanity' demand.
be it weak, or ever bleak.
Ain't the spoils o'tax so grand!
And it goes on--but this much for now.
More to come , and some pics or film clips if i don't busy it up to much.
* This little jingle, when finished, concludes the Law School Suicide Fantasy Chronicles.
Because, after all, it is not easy, banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.
Little Egg McMuffin
Little Egg McMuffin
The Law School/Student Debt
Suicide Fantasy Chronicles
Itroduction
Five kids started Law School
in Autumn's Gothic Season.
Children bright, with much ambition;
without the money for tuition.
All were dead within five years,
by suicide, so it appears.
and each one for the self-same reason.
Read on if you think I'm teasin'.
Such a sad and Evil story,
they died in shame, and not in glory;
for the darkest sin that's known to man
is to take one's life with one's own hand.
Two were girls, and three were lads;
They joined their wrists and made a vow:
That they would start a Firm somehow;
and as one did, so all would act,
and many clients they'd attract,
after they were JD grads.
They all stepped off the bus at Tar-oh
early on an August day....but,
like runaways in Hollywood,
they had to sell themselves to stay.
In their case it was kind of fun,
they signed an X, and with a Hex, the deed was done!
No need to worry 'bout tomorrow,
The student loans were there to borrow!
But on that first and fateful day,
and ere they stepped inside,
all were seen to shrink and pause--
a dreadful cloud, both swift and wide
cast a shadow on their way,
and doubts upon their cause.
"What evil place is this?" they asked.
"What witchcraft lurks inside?"
What force has guided nature's hand
to cast this dreadful pall?
They looked around and whispered:
"Woe betide us all!"
(And the teachers floated dimly by,
in Motley dress, with web-like shawls.)
1. Billy was the first to go,
He blew his brains out with a shotgun.
2. Next was Jenny, who, for fun,
made a Swan Dive from a bridge,
in blinding snow,
and struck cold water far below.
3. Celeste, the Artsy-Craftsy one,
clever and footloose,
used her good hands to make a noose,
and, with a face both tight and grim,
her clumsy feet slipped from a limb.
4. Next came little Feety Petey,
and as you all will see,
he sliced his two arms viciously.
Not a Good Boy, he was Bad!
(Some say Angry, Some say Sad.
and some say simply Mad!).
5. Mikey, the Red Caboose,
was such a silly goose.
He was always last and late.
He made himself a Royal Pain--
they had to scrape him off a train!
It cost the taxpayers dearly for the delay,
and the Union Railroad pay
which is Great!
Jurisprudence Class The Socratic Method
1
THE
GIGGLY POEM©
Little Jack Horner
Backed into a corner
He moans and he groans about student loans
And compounded interest,
(It just made them bigger ) J
There’s no jobs in Law,
(or outside of Law)
So he’s stuffing his maw.....
with a smelly Benelli
......go figure?
Oh! that Nasty old blastey ol’shotgun!
With the squiggly, wiggly toes on the trigger N
You silly old billy old boy!
EVERYONE knows a guns not a toy, but….BLAM! WHAM!
CUSTARD AND JAM!
messy, messy, mop it up.
messy, messy,
mop…....it……. up L
(Dedicated to Touro Law School)
GIGGLY POEM©
Little Jack Horner
Backed into a corner
He moans and he groans about student loans
And compounded interest,
(It just made them bigger ) J
There’s no jobs in Law,
(or outside of Law)
So he’s stuffing his maw.....
with a smelly Benelli
......go figure?
Oh! that Nasty old blastey ol’shotgun!
With the squiggly, wiggly toes on the trigger N
You silly old billy old boy!
EVERYONE knows a guns not a toy, but….BLAM! WHAM!
CUSTARD AND JAM!
messy, messy, mop it up.
messy, messy,
mop…....it……. up L
(Dedicated to Touro Law School)
Riff Says:
"There's a price no man will pay for living!"
2
Jenny's in the Lake
Jenny's in the Lake
she cast herself down there
from high atop the Narrow's Bridge,
wild with despair
she cast herself down there
from high atop the Narrow's Bridge,
wild with despair
They say she came a cropper
an' she drowned herself quite proper
an' now ye wouldn't pay a copper
penny
to be per little Jenny
Per, Per,
little Jenny
One hundred thousand Chinese dollars
ain't too much to borrow.
No need to run out in the snow,
No need to run out in the snow,
wringing alabaster hands.
Just call *Lordy, on the morrow.
Defer from his demands.
You haven't had your cake you know.
There's a score and six of candles,
along with one to grow.
Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny! Jen!
I've brought your knitted shawl!
I've brought your knitted shawl!
Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny!
Can't you hear us call?
Jenny pierced the ice
with momentum and great force you see,
and when she hit the deck,
it split her like a pea
form crotch to neck.
But Jenny's little heart,
so sad and brave,
it kept on pulsing
until the freezing water
beckoned it
to stop convulsing.
Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny's in the Lake
so deep she won't be found
but at least to Sallie Mae,
Jen's no longer bound.
Jenny!
Can't you hear us call?
Jenny pierced the ice
with momentum and great force you see,
and when she hit the deck,
it split her like a pea
form crotch to neck.
But Jenny's little heart,
so sad and brave,
it kept on pulsing
until the freezing water
beckoned it
to stop convulsing.
Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny! Jen!
I've brought your knitted shawl!
Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny!
Can't you hear us call?
Jenny's in the Lake
so deep she won't be found
but at least to Sallie Mae,
Jen's no longer bound.
* "Lordie" refers to Al Lord of Sallie Mae
3
Three Cheers For The Cosmic Lady!
Three Cheers For the Cosmic Lady!
hanging from a tree.
She went to Law School,
like a Damn Fool,
but now at least she's Free.
Three Cheers For The Cosmic Girl!
We knew she'd travel far
The first one in her family
to ever pass the Bar!
Three Cheers For the Cosmic Daughter!
Ne'er did she give up hope.
She found enjoyment, good employment
with Daddy's nylon rope.
Three Cheers For the Cosmic Lady!
She flew so well through Space.
May God have Mercy on her Soul
and grant eternal Grace.
But see her eyes! they look so frightening
in the red light of the moon.
What made the Lady so upset
to end her life so soon?
Some said: "Life is just unkind,
and that it sore distressed her mind."
But Some say it was greed and Gold
*(For t'was to Lordy she'd been sold.)
"It's not our fault she's hanging there,"
So said the Law School Dean.
"There's figures, stats, and rows and lines,
she should have read between!"
Three Cheers For The Cosmic Gal!
but..... just go cut her down.
The Mayor said it will not do,
to have this in Our Town.
And Three Cheers For The Cosmic Kid!
A pearl's upon her breast.
She's out of Debt, and Beautiful;
and finally at rest.
So it's Three Cheers For the Cosmic Lady!
She's up there with the Stars,
where Cherubs spin melodious Spheres
and Seraphs play Guitars.
Three Cheers, For The Cosmic Lady!
Three Cheers, For The Cosmic Lady!
Three Cheers!
For The Cosmic Lady!
JD Pitty-Party Painter III
Bron-Y-Aur Cottage, Hoboken, WInter, 2011
For notes on this jingle, go here:
http://esquirepainting.blogspot.com/2011/01/three-cheers-for-cosmic-lady.html
http://esquirepainting.blogspot.com/2011/01/three-cheers-for-cosmic-lady.html
Footsie Pajamas
Footsie Pajamas
Oh Footsie Pajamas!
Footsie Pajamas, so cuddly and cute!
He liked teddy bears,
and toy trains that go "Toot!"
and toy trains that go "Toot!"
and orange box cutters, (the point’s hardly moot)
for he sliced his left vein--
then the right one to boot!
I’ll admit little Footsie had all the best grades,
but who taught him those tricks, with razor sharp blades?
“Not US!” Said the Dean of the Law School of Snobs.
“If They can't get jobs, they're nothing but Slobs,
and for all that we care, they can post on Scamblogs!
and for all that we care, they can post on Scamblogs!
Poor, Poor little Footsie, now white as a sheet,
His debt made him crack, when he pounded the street.
He went home and got drunk, held the knife in his fist, and
first one, then the other,
he opened both wrists.
Footsie Pajamas
JD Painter
Footsie Pajamas
Oh Footsie Pajamas!
Footsie Pajamas, so cuddly and cute!
But where is your charcoal - grey lawyer's suit?
JD Painter
5
The Train Conductor's Monologue
Lousy, Rotten, Spoiled kid,
Ye splattered up me Choo-Choo!
I was going like a missle
din'cha hear me whistle?
Three times I went Whoo Woo!
Whoo Woo!
Whoo Woo!
Kids like you should be out--
Rockin and rollin!
So why's there someone out here now,
a scrapin up yer colon?
Didn't ya hear me Toot?
What were ya--- Drunk?
a sodden, Coot?
or smokin' on some kind er' crack?
cause now yer splattered all o'er the tracks--
why can't you kids get yer acts
together?
I'm a tall an' union man
not ese tu be understandin--
I played football in my day
ten stone an' a hundred pounds
i'd get yer ass in shape,
cause I'm a grumpy growly bear
a great big bearie from the prarie
ready to stampede ye
into dust
an' now yer perfect tibula (or was it fibula)
is stoppin up the chains of me
mitsie bishula, or somethin'
crazy, loco,
motive
who'd a thunk that solid bone,
could make a great an pow'ferl engine moan?
Ho kidde yer a bad one!
Why'd ya jump?
Was it just for fun?
My life is oh so settled,
and now my equanimity is nettled-
because of you,
(Realize, I've a wife and children,
to command.)
For It is I,
in the prettiest of all the seats--
a Tom o' cats
and need not heed
humanity' demand.
be it weak, or ever bleak.
Ain't the spoils o'tax so grand!
And it goes on--but this much for now.
More to come , and some pics or film clips if i don't busy it up to much.
* This little jingle, when finished, concludes the Law School Suicide Fantasy Chronicles.
Because, after all, it is not easy, banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.
________________________________________________________
* This is for that really cruel commenter from my last post that thinks my stories and Poems are stupid. Catch you in hell. Shit, I need a beer now.
Little Egg McMuffin
Little Egg McMuffin
Little Egg McMuffin
I’m so glad to greet you.
Little Egg McMuffin,
You sure do aim to please
with your ham and melted cheese.
And I’m a great big, growly WOLF!
All a Huffin! and a Puffin!
And a Puffin! and a Huffin!
If I can’t get my……
Little Egg McMuffin.
Little Egg McMuffin
Oh, little Egg McMcmuffin
I’m awful glad to meet you
Cause Little Egg McMuffin
Yes, Little Egg McMuffin
Now,
I’M GOING TO EAT YOU!
JD Painter
