Here is why:
1.) My 4 yr old got sick...again. This is the kid who has had a high fever three (as well as a spinal tap) times in 8 weeks. Talk about excessive. That poor kid is literally breaking my heart.
2.) My work progress report for the weekend: JACK SH*T.
3.) I'm fat. I tried to wear a cute black baby doll style dress this weekend, and I looked like the Stay Puf Marshmallow guy who'd been burnt in the fire.
4.) I missed church because of the aforementioned sick little man. This really did a number on my attitude, as church is usually my recharge for the week. *SIGH*
5.) I made a joke in front of a group of cousins at a BBQ that went over like a dirty, juicy fart in church, and then when I tried to correct myself, I overcompensated (using the word "fantasize", which came across as icky and highly incestuous) and wound up annoying three people.
6.) After previously mentioned incident, I was then apparently to loud and was told to "shush" by a younger, and incredibly more sophisticated cousin. Have I mentioned that I don't drink? Yup. I was stone cold sober, and still the loudest person around the bonfire. *Insert blushed cheeks here*
7.) While trying to blow out a sterno oil burner thingy....I singed my eyebrows, screamed (not terribly loudly....ish) and got shushed by the very same cousin. Discovered this morning that I am missing 1/3 of my left eyebrow.
8.) Went to the lake today with friends and our families, and dropped an entire bag of grape twizzlers in the sand...then proceeded to lose my sh*t over it.
9.) Bought a christmas tree ornament from the lake we were at today, then dropped it as I walked back to the car, and broke the damn thing before I even got to my mini van.
10.) Got into a sand fight with my husband, which started out as a cute flirtatious game that ended in my tackling him to the ground and cracking my head on a folding chair. I have a bruise on my forehead now.
11.) Was told by a relative yesterday that its not hard to get published. Um.....yeah. Wow. Then why am I the first of our bunch to come even close to doing it? If it's a gol-darned walk in the park, I'd like to see them put out one of these bad boys...
12.) Tried to reach out to a few friends this weekend, but wound up feeling like maybe I've got more invested in our relationships than they did. That sucks. And hurts. It sucky hurts, to be honest.
13.) Was asked no fewer than 5 times this weekend, "Are you sure you're sober?" or overheard people saying, "You're sure she doesn't drink?" .............*SIGH*
14.) ACCIDENTALLY taught my three year old how to say, "Suck it, douche bag" It really wasn't my fault. He has limited vocabulary skills...I didn't realize THAT would be the short list of his preferred phrases. MOM:FAIL. (P.S. I wasn't saying it to him. No nasty emails, please.)
I hope this week is better. If its not, I am going to crawl in a hole and live like a recluse.
Brooke Moss.
