I'm over it. I'm over opening fashion magazines and seeing women who have the body of a fourteen year old boy. Like, really really over it.
I know, I know...I can practically hear the voices nay-saying in my head.
"Spoken like a true fat girl."
And my response to that is: YES. I am a fat girl. And I am sick of seeing skinny girls in magazines. And on television. And in the music biz. And on the radio.
Wait.....well, okay. Not the radio. But....really. I'm sick of it.
Now, before everyone sends me emails chastising me for insulting skinny chicks, I should clarify: I don't mind opening a magazine and seeing a lurvley chick with a flat tummy and some luscious boobs and hips. I think women should look like women! And...I know this will shock you, but, women have boobs and hips and booties and curves. That's how God made us. Just ask Eve...
Girlfriend had some curves. Know what I'm sayin'?
Now. Here is what I hate: emaciated women with flat chests and visible ribs. Women whose bodies look like hangers with heads. Women who hunch over like Shepard staffs, and supplement their diets with cigarettes and cocaine.
Do men really get off on women who are bony and hard? Do they really want to get their freak on with a woman who resembles an oversized stick bug?
I thought men liked curves to sink their faces into.
To motorboat, if you will.
Some cushion for the pushin'.
A wave to ride in.
Warmth in the winter...
And shade in the summer....Right??
Plus, here are a few important details about chubby girls vs. skinny chicks:
If a skinny chick cooks you dinner, you'll eat something like this:
If a chubby girl cooks dinner for you, you'll eat something like this:
I mean, come on.
Skinny chick furniture:
Chubby girl furniture:
I mean, hello!
Skinny chick vacations:
Chubby girl vacations:
Seriously.....have I not convinced you yet?
Skinny chick smiles:
 |
| She's hungry. |
Chubby girl smiles:
 |
| So much better. |
Duh.
Skinny chick workouts:
Chubby girl workouts:
I feel like I've made my point loud and clear. Skinny chicks are evil and horrible and must be stopped!
If you still think I am making fun of normal, thin, healthy women, please go back to the top of my blog and re-read, because you have missed the point completely: I am not talking about this:
I am talking about THIS kind of girl:
There. I hope I've made everything crystal clear. Skinny chicks suck, chubby girls rule. Chubby girls can snap skinny chick's azzes any day. Chubby girls are the reason the sun shines. Chubby girls will, in fact, one day cure cancer. I know it. I can feel it.
So the next time you feel like making fun of a chubby girl, please remember why the world is better because of our curves. It is those hanger-b*tches that cause war and plagues. I think they brought in the locusts that the scriptures speak of. No really. Look at the resemblance between locusts and skinny chicks:
Scary. Stay away from the skinny chicks.
Because chubby (NORMAL) girls beat skinny chicks any day.
Brooke Moss.
P.S. For reading this entire blog....reward yourself. Go eat some carbs. Now.
