Yeah. I have my share.
Fortunately for everyone involved (especially me) I don't have a scanner. Thus providing safety from the relentless barrage of late eighties/early nineties fashion I sported. Yup. Oversized glasses with multicolored plastic frames? Short, "new wave" haircuts that accentuated my extremely flat chest nicely? Oh yes, friends....bad fashion happened to me. I've not always been the fashion goddess I am today.
(**Now is probably a good time to admit that I am currently wearing PJ bottoms and a green tee shirt that says "Don't Be A Witch". Yeah. I'm that cool.)
So the point of today's blog is to point out the fact that bad fashion happens to everyone. Even fashion icons (Like myself....or Gwen Stefani.) Everyone has a lapse in judgment that results in looking like a moron. Hopefully this blog will remind my children that I'm not the most embarrassing parent on the planet. (I've given them lots of reason to believe it......I drive them to school in my bathrobe, and when I am writing a lot, I live in sweats and PJ pants. I don't mean to be a schlub. It just happens.)
So, without further delay, or unnecessary explanation, here is my list of top ten "Good Fashion That Went Terribly Bad" moments:
1.) Gwen Stefani....these pants are a disaster. Proof positive that a fashion icon can make a mistake. What are these? Hammer pants? Spare parachutes in case she falls off of something high? And what happens if they come untied? Does she just get tangled and fall to the pavement? I love the fact that Gwen Stefani has been a fashion victim like the rest of us.
2.) J-Lo wasn't always the stylish diva she is known for being. There was a time, in the not so distant past, when she dated a rap artist and was a burgeoning music artist herself. People barely knew her for anything except some lovely Latina T&A in movies....until she made this fashion mistake. Then POWIE! Fashion infamy.
3.) Jackie Kennedy will forever be known as the Queen of Demure 60's Fashion. I was hard pressed to find a picture of a bad fashion choice, as 75% of what she wore was perfect. Seriously. And this was before the days of stylists! But this gown....oy, this gown. It's fashion confusion. Is it sleeved, or backless? And what is up with her tiny head cap of hair that makes her appear to have a pea-head? And so help me....could the bow BE any bigger? You see kids? Mommy isn't the only one to make a fashion no-no.
4.) Blake Lively.....SIGH. This girl is usually always a fashion YES. But in this particular dress, she is a fashion NO. I mean....it's a schizophrenic dress. It wants to be matronly, it wants to be sexy. It wants a slit up to her goodies, but it wants some sort of strappy waist thing to go on. I can't tell if she's happy to be wearing it, or just plain pissed off....
5.) Sarah Jessica Parker looks like she's headed for a royal wedding with that getup on her head. Really. She could be Andrew and Fergie's long lost third daughter. Well, if she weren't as old as Fergie herself. But really......she looks like she's sporting a very linear salad atop her crown. Come on...
6.) Britney and Justin...........I can't........words elude me........I..........this has got to be a joke. I mean, I expect this brand of crazy from Britney, but not from JT. I mean....wow. I can't.....it's so......wow.
7.) Ok, so I've never been a big Miley Cyrus fan. I think she is proof positive that parents should never put their kids on Disney shows. They will eventually wind up being pot-smoking, pole dancing morons who wind up in rehab for things like drugs, alcohol, Jonas Brothers addictions, and cutting. But I had to throw this pic on....I mean, what the crap? Paging Taylor Momsen. Calling Taylor Momsen. Someone is trying to steal your "fashion bad girl" image.
8.) I love talking about Princess Diana's fashions. As a little girl, I idolized her and all of her 80's glory. She was proof that a shy, awkward nobody could become a princess, and I glommed onto that with both hands as a kid. But this pic? Oh heavens....it shows that even an 80's icon can go to far. The ruffles and the silver belt and the pin/sticker (?) thingy on her chest and the crown topping it all off? Such a beautiful mess.
9.) Ok, she's got one of the most amazing singing voices in the world, but that is no excuse for Christina Aguilera's fashion choices...er, mistakes. There were almost too many to choose from. I mean, I can understand Britney's fashion no-no's. She's three shades of nuts. But Christina? Good grief....get a stylist. I think my kids would choose the bathrobe drop off at school over one of these getups.
10.) Michelle Obama is one of my heros. I truly love her. And most of her fashion choices are great. But.....a few of them have left me scratching my head. This one in particular reminds me of a Jedi Knight. Does Michelle have the force? Was I unaware of this fact? And frankly...she's got a rockin' bod. Now, I don't want her dressing like the aforementioned Xtina or anything, but some of her fashion choices are entirely to matronly. She is young, beautiful, and has a good figure. Show it! No offense, Mrs. Obama.
Okay, so hopefully these pictures prove that bad fashion happen to a lot of us. Not just us moms with job and carpools and casseroles to make. Maybe now my kids will stop hanging their heads in shame when I run to the store for milk....
I guess I should shave my legs first, though....
Brooke Moss.
