She even has big plans to get a tiara for official appearances. Frankly, I commend her for being so straight forward. She is planning to take over the world, but gave us fair warning. That was very classy. And instead of wearing a dark cape or sinister looking get up, she is going to sport a tiara. That, my friends, is also classy. If the world is going to be taken over, it should be taken over by someone with a little social know how, if you know what I'm saying.
Not a lot of people have social know how. I speak from experience.
Ok, so.....
Today's blog is all about my favorite ten, er, NINE princesses. Since Jess is going to be Queen, I think it is important that we make it abundantly clear which princesses are running the show, in her stead. I mean, it is important that we know these things before the world domination takes place, so as to prevent confusion.
So, without further delay, here is my list of Top Princesses to Take Over Responsibility on The Queen's Day Off......
1.) Me. Oh, I'm so embarrassed! I had no idea I was even nominated! Gosh, I don't even know who to thank! My my my........but really, I would be a kick azz princess. I rock a tiara and can wear sparkles like none other. No seriously, this world is begging for a plus size princess. I mean it. Watch out skinny b*tches......this princess will stomp on you.
2.) Ariel. This girl has it all...long red hair, a great voice--the kind of voice evil octopuses with body image issues like to steal, and that's noteworthy if you ask me--and of course...excellent swimming skills. Her backstroke is divine.
3.) Princess Kate. Girlfriend could have gone up and over the top for her wedding, but instead she sported one of the prettiest and modest wedding gowns I've seen in a while. She looked great. Plus...she married Prince William after something like seven years of dating, so that speaks volumes about this chickie's patience. And patience is a virtue all princesses in a world domination plot should have.
4.) Lady Gaga. Okay...so this crazy lady isn't a Princess, per say, but she does have a title. I mean, Lady Gaga? Really. She's up there. Plus....she's already dominating the world to a certain degree. With her meat dresses and egg transport. She's got us all captivated by her own brand of crazy.
5.) Fancy Nancy. Fancy Nancy is a children's book character that my daughter loved! She has since outgrown the books, and moved on to the likes of Selena Gomez and The Jonas Brothers, but her fancy Nancy days are fondly remembered around here. Fancy Nancy was always capable of not only getting what she wanted, if in a round-about way, and managed to look great while doing so!
6.) Mulan. I never really did understand why she was always lumped in with the Disney Princesses, though I am sure it is a title that just comes from being FEMALE. But regardless...this girl can wield a knife and perform karate. I think a princess in a world domination plan should be able to defend herself. So Mulan is on the list to defend ALL of our honor.
7.) Little Debbie. This young farmgirl has been cranking out the good snacks for a few decades, and we all eat the heck out of them. I think that a princess should be able to cook and feed her subjects during a time of duress, or snacktime, and Little Debbie has that covered. Plus......I really, really like her Cosmic Brownies. That's good enough for me...
8.) Rapunzel. I think that any girl who can utilize her hair to swing, elevate herself and others, defend herself and others, HEAL, and generally just look good deserves to be included. Plus, like Ariel, she has an excellent singing voice, and the Queen likes to be entertained occasionally. We'll just have to watch out for Rapunzlel's mom...she can be a real beeyotch.
9.) Princess Diana. Okay, I am willing to let the fact that this princess is deceased, AND the fact that her wedding dress was an 80's fashion cream puff, go. But only because this chickadee worked her butt off until her death, to change the world. Humanitarian efforts must be recognized when picking a team of princesses.
10.) Hedda Lettuce. This drag queen has it all. Style, class, humor, singing & dancing skills, and extra plumbing. I mean, what else could a queen ask for in her loyal princess. Plus, so help me.....if the queen needed a lovely frock to wear an event...Hedda would have her hooked up in an instant! Such a lovely lady...
I think that this lineup of Princesses is most impressive. Now we just have to wait for Queen Jess' approval. Lets hope this world domination thing happens soon, because I am anxious for the all chocolate diet thing I hear she has worked out.
Long live the queen, AND princesses!!
Brooke Moss.
