The Giant Leprechaun

The boys down at Maloney's Pub were having a great laugh, and they kept on laughing, even as Bill O'Reilly paused, so as to toss yet another tall pint of his favorite black Guiness down his windpipe, in an attempt to assuage both his customary Friday evening thirst, as well as his current confusion.


After he had drained the glass, and while pounding on the bar for Maloney to draw him another, O'Reilly continued his tale, and with the same unwonted perplexity:


"I'm telling ye" Said O'Reilly, in his thick Irish brogue, "he was the giantest Leprechaun ye ever did saw! A great big one, and all covered o'er with great big green muscles!" and O'Reilly raised his arms halfway  in a mock double biceps pose. 


Another roar of laughter from the boys went up, and Willie O'Sullivan, the mailman asked:


"Now, now O'Reilly. Are ye sure that that yer not just a bit color blind, and that they wasn't pink muscles that ye was seein'?" 


O'Reilly shook his head and said: "They wus undeniably grrrreen. And green so it was with his skin all o'er. And, now listen here, cause I'll swear on me mother's grave to it, he was a ridin'.........guess what?"


The boys could hardly speak they were laughing so hard, but officer Fitzspatrick, or chief, rather,  of the local Constabulary,  managed to respond:


"Pray tell O'Reilly. What was it that he was ridin? Was it a broomstick the fairy godmother gave him for his birthday present?"   (Which brought a playful shove from behind.)


But O'Reilly remained concerned, and very serious as he answered:


"No, I tell ye. T'wasn't no broomstick, and there t'werent no fairy godmother. He was ridin a honest to goodness......... motorcycle!"


The roar that went up at that statement could be heard from outside a whole city block away, maybe two blocks.  It was pure entertainment for the boys. They were well aware of how much O"Reilly loved his Guiness, and of O'Reilly's capacity for telling tall tales after he had had a few, but this story was the tallest, and most preposterous tale yet.


"A motorcycle! Exclaimed Willie O' Sullivan. Now is that what it was? A Harley O'Davidson perhaps?"


But O'Reilly was evidently very serious, and, after another swallow,  persisted: "It was a motorcycle for sure. And it was a Japanese one. And he wus a rrrridin' it."


If you had bet that the chorus of laughter had reached its apex already, you would have lost , for the laughter became positively deafening after Willie O'Sullivan remarked:


"Now do you be seein the shame of it boys? Even giant leprechauns are refusin to buy domestic." 


______________________________


But Bill O'Reilly's tale turned out to be true. There was indeed a new leprechaun in town. He was a Law Professor, and he had been hired by the newly accredited, fourth-tier Law School situated not far from Maloney's Pub, and adjacent to the Railroad Tracks. 


The part about the motorcycle turned out to be true as well, as all who were in Maloney's Pub that night soon learned, for the giant Leprechaun was seen to be riding, and without a helmet, (since there was no helmet law in the state of the Law School's domicile at the time of this tale, and besides he wouldn't have been able to squeeze one over his rather large and pointed green ears even if he had tried) the aforesaid imported motorcycle all about town. 


One thing about the Leprechaun O'Reilly didn't relate, and which fifty first year Law students are  about to find out, is that this Giant Leprachaun, whose name was Professor MacGregor, possibly ranked among the rudest, and most obnoxious of all Leprechauns, big or small, that the green fields of Erin had ever produced. And he was an unrepentant, and mean Bully as well, with not just a touch, but an ample and depraved portion of larceny in his tiny, green Leprechaun's heart. (In fact, it is surprising that JD Painter has even given him a heart at all.)


Of course, and character-wise, we all know that compared to the rest of the human faculty at the Law School, and especially the Dean, the giant Leprechaun might have seemed the proverbial choir boy and model citizen. 


Another, and important thing that O'Reilly failed to notice, because it was inside the saddle bags of Professor MacGregor's motorcycle, was the fact that the Professor, the giant Leprechaun, always walked about with his shillelagh, or Irish walking stick, which Professor Macgregor was wont to brandish in the face of his students. But....I'm getting ahead here.


Also, at this juncture, in light of the name of our newly introduced friend, the Professor, and upon the remote contingency that any real Irish or Scottish people read this tale, I feel that I should explain that in America, there is no difference between the Irish and the Scots, and that if one of the former or the latter tribe were to ever to attempt to explain the difference to an American, until blue in the face, the American will  continue to fail to comprehend the tutorial, and persist in believing Scots to be, and referring to them as:  "Irish"


Professor MacGregor, without his traditional clothes and motorcycle outfit consisting of a green cloak, striped socks and knickers, and buckled shoes, or, that is to say, when dressed appropriately in the more "professional" and untailored polyester and corduroy casual business/academic attire, (as befitting his calling) and also with an equally appropriate haircut, rather resembled Mr. Spock. 


However, that was where the semblance ended, for MacGregor's fiery temperment partook of none of Mr. Spock's cool and logical traits.Far from it. In fact, it could be said that Proffesor MacGregor's nature was more like that of a violent and madcap Doctor McCoy. Nor did the Professor have anything like the humorless disposition of Mr. Spock, as he was given to random fits of high-pitched laughter over the hearing of his own jokes, in much the same way it is said that some people enjoy the smell of their own flatulance. (JD Painter never liked that word, and always found it more offensive, perhaps due to it's complexity, than the simple word: Fart)




                                           PK: Just Silly        

  


TO BE CONTINUED


I gotta get a few winks. I look like absolute crap, and feel it. And I hope a few people are laughing a little.