I wasn't aware that you and God were tight peeps, and that He'd given you the authority to judge me on His behalf. I'll be sure to remember that next time. Maybe He (and you) should send out a memo...
I realize that I give you lots to judge me for.
I am overweight, which is, as a matter of fact, one of the deadly sins. I have allowed myself to go down the crapper. I eat cheese like it is my last night on death row, and I only jog when there is a man with an ax behind me. That is something I should surely be judged for.
Oh, and I am a crappy mom. I mean, sure, my kids are fed and loved and clean and they go to school and they haven't wound up in the foster care system yet. But....sometimes we forget to turn in homework, and sometimes I'm not even able to HELP with their homework, because I am so stupid. Sometimes they go to bed without baths, and sometimes they eat marshmallows as a reward for giving mommy 15 minutes of peace. My four year old talks about guns all the time, even though we are a gun-free home, and my eleven year old is addicted to hair products and cologne. My nine year old wants to marry Joe Jonas, and my two and a half year old is on the autism spectrum.
I must have done something really wrong to deserve that one, huh? So go ahead and judge me. You have every right.
I can't cook. I mean, how many stay at home mothers to four children are incapable of cooking. It seems like cooking is a basic skill a stay at home mother should have.....and yet, NO. I can cook just enough to sustain life, but nobody really wants to eat it. That is something you should absolutely judge me for.
I hate talking on the phone, and almost never answer it. I prefer social networks, email, and text to communicate, because I can stop and start, stop and start, stop and start....and with 4 kids, one husband, a low-intelligence dog, a writing career, church callings, homework, gross meals to cook, a house to clean, errands to run, and appointments to get to.......that happens a lot. I don't prioritize an hour of gabbing on the phone time, so that I can gossip, catch up with old friends, share my life's triumphs and woes, and just generally talk. This makes me not only a horrible friend, but also a bad person. Generally speaking, I am a wretched human being because I don't want to talk on the phone. And I must be punished. Always.
I am so glad someone is finally judging me for that one. It's about time.
I do not make my own bread ground from my own wheat, I do not make my own soap, paper, lotions, shampoos, jewelry (though I wish I could), baked goods, or vegetable gardens (though I try). I also do not make my own greeting cards, stationary, gift bags, gift tags, clothes, mittens, socks, scarves, or hair accessories. Oh, and I don't scrapbook, and would rather be hit in the face with a shovel than do so. My pictures go into the albums from the store, with very little labeling and/or decoration, I buy my soap in a box with the word "Dove" written on it, and almost all of my greeting cards come from a company called Hallmark. For these sins, I must be punished.
I am honest, even when the words aren't fun to hear. I forgive easily, but struggle with the ability to forget when friends do me wrong, or treat me unkindly. I avoid serious confrontations with people, because I don't always operate with full control of my mouth, and I swear like a truck driver with a broken leg. I don't smile when I am unhappy, and I don't shake peoples hands when they are corrupt, cruel, intolerant, or judgmental.
Which means, I probably won't shake your hand. Oops.
My first marriage was a huge mistake, and I got myself into a horrible situation with a less than stellar man. Oh, and the icing on the cake is...I bore two children with him. And now I will be saddled with his ever-dysfunctional, lazy, and self obsessed man for the rest of my life. Oh, better yet...so will my children. This is a HUGE reason to judge me. I mean, I am practically begging for judgment on this one!
I am wondering now where in your house you keep the red phone. I mean, there must be a red phone with a direct line to God, so that you and He can talk about how and when you will be passing your judgment on me. It must be such a privilege to judge in God's name. Was there a ceremony? Were you "knighted"? Do you have a plaque or certificate? This is so exciting to be in the presence of such greatness....
Wait, wait, wait.....
MATTHEW 7:1-5:
"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull the mote out of thine eye; and behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye."
Huh.......
So wait...you DON'T have the red phone?
Interesting.
Brooke Moss.
