*I have reposted this on Jan. 11, 2011 for the sake of getting more views. (there being more traffic in the wake of recent media coverage)
I have not deleted this original post, though identical, because I would lose the comments. Both posts are identical, that is, except for the flag pic,and the coment in red below.
*WARNING-THIS RESUME HAS BEEN FLAGGED, AND MAY DESTROY ANY COMPUTER IT MIGHT BE FED INTO FOR KEYWORD SCANNING
JD PainterGuy
1 Maple Street.
Anytown USA 12345
(123) 456-7890 jdpainterguy@e-mail.com
OBJECTIVES:
- My main objective is to write a 10 volume Thesis on the topic of Electrocution, and how it might be a viable way for student loan debtors to be ultimately executed when the US Government decides to bring back the age-old tradition of the Debtors Prison.
- I’m also working on a perpetual motion engine and I almost have it.
- To look back listlessly upon a wasted life with anguish and much regret.
- To ignore the advice of the the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen and drag all of my past failures into the ever present and live those failures over and over just as if they are taking place right now, and let them control and immoboilize me.
- To conduct the rest of my life in despair, and with the lethargy of kelp waving in a lazy stream.
- To view life with sunken, dark and beady eyes that resemble two raisins pounded into dough by the fists of an angry child.
- To gladhand the Devil himself, because he's surely sitting on my shoulder by now, and within easy reach.
- To be a shrinking, slinking, sneaking coward, and act like a scared little boy child, and not like a man.
- To latch onto the nearest available cult leader who will give me some direction and Kool-aid, or a chance to ride on a Comet or Swing on a Star.
- Most especially, to regret and dwell forever on the day I ever filled out an application for a Luh Schuul that is ranked in the 4th tier by US News and World Report.
- Three hundred Thousand Dollars of Student Loan Debt, mostly from Law School, and as long as I shall live and with no escape other than to die.
- A credit score that is as bad as they can possibly come. It handicaps any job search because it shows 300K of debt and I can't even get a loan from Wells Fargo (and that's bad!)
- On the menu for the progeny of today's well stuffed and fed earthworms currently also residing at my future address: Hart Island, NY.
- The nice young man next door that drinks, and the subject of mumblings and whisperings by certain neighbors who are fond of ducking behind curtains. Gossip is, after all, exquisite cuisine for the jaded and weary auditory palate, or, in other words, a delightful and delicious meal for hungry ears.
- No other real skills to speak of, and totally unprepared to survive in this world.
- Totally depressed and must confess that I once thought about offing myself, but trying to maintain a positive attitude because Tony Robbins says so. If you hire me, I can't guarantee that I won't be the most miserable and negative guy in your office, and that I might not ruin your day, every day, with my bad attitude.
- I have my doubts, because I think I have a really dumb (english translation) Goy “Christian Head” for business, but let’s just say for fun that I have Strong, Really Strong and I mean Really, Really Strong analytical and problem solving skills, or at least that is what they told me a law degree was supposed to do for me. Do I?
- Highly competent at being a loser.
- Experienced and total Failure in Life.
- Something that washed up with the tide.
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE:
1996 to Present:
- Now, first of all, a fortune cookie told me that I am not a loser, and I am not a DUMMY!
- But, that aside, I’m Mostly a House Painter and Divorced Loser that lives in his Parent's Basement and tries to block out reality with a lot of beer sometimes.
- Oh and I did a stint as an Insurance Salesman for a while ummmm.. a few years back, and a Paralegal kind of thing that I did for a bunch of Crooks once.
- More specifically: Marketing, sales, negotiation and closing of contracts between thieves, knaves and rogues.
- Supervised and trained unsuspecting telemarketers in a boiler room who were shocked out of their minds when they were given the tap on the shoulder and escorted out of the office permanantly on the spot if they didn’t sell at least three times in one week. It was brutal.
- When I don’t have a too much money to spend I buy really cheap beer or Malt liquor with a “Kick” because what's the difference? Booze is booze right?
EHDUCAHTION:
Bachelor of Arts in English. It was fun, but didn’t prepare me for much it turns out.
Luh Duhgree (Juhrist Ductur), 1996, Tuhroh Colledge, School of Law, NY (I ripped the diploma up when my debt passed the 200 thousand dollar mark)
OTHER PROFESSIONAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
Picking my nose while I drive in my truck, although my truck is off the road right now because I can’t afford to register and insure it. Also the tranny is slipping so I’m worried about it.
HOBBIES:
Picking the Banjo.
Quitting Beer for New Years. I'm doing Great so far!
Note: "Power Cover Letter" to Follow
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July 24, 2011
Oh! Ho! So you are still with me, and trying to navigate the labaryinth of JD Painter's Blog?
I commend your persistance, you super sleuth you. In fact, youse is a regular Sherlock Holmes! (And I ain't shittin' you Sherlock)
But, I wanted to tell Ann Coulter about how I had a Con law Professor in Law School that was always putting Justice Rehnquist down. I mean, throughout the year, this Professor kept on dumping on Rehnquist.....and I finally said to myself: What the hell? What is it with this guy and his problem with Rehnquist? The professor even had a silly nickname for Rehnquist, which was a corruption of the name.
Oh, I don't know Ann. I guess you would call that Professor a Liberal, and maybe he was or rather still is.
A sort of dull fellow, with a dull gelatinous, festering, muddy mass within his cranium, incapable of humor that could be said to contain even a modest level of wit.
Also, Ann, I had a Jurisprudence class, taught by a raging Liberal Professor that taught about Feminism and Witchcraft. Yes, witchcraft, and she told about how witchcraft empowered women who were oppressed by male domination throughout history. Something like that, but don't quote me. It was quite some time ago.
I'll tell you more about it on our first date, and I'm glad I can share these stories about some of the Liberal Law professors that raked in all those Student Loan bucks. You know, the cold cabbage of Commie corruption (That's a joke)
Oh, I almost forgot. The College transcript. It's coming. So come back here to find out where I have hidden it. Stay with me now.
But I gotta go skim coat and spackle for a few hours at my sister's house. So I will have to post the transcript later.
Ok kids?
And I know what you are thinking, and the answer is no. This is not a Shaggy Dog thing I'm leading you on. There really, really is a transcript.
July 24, 2011 - 12:04 PM:
OK I'm back from a walk with Shane. It is pretty humid out today, so I am glad to be back in the AC.
I hope that now of youse are getting impatient by now, and so if you really insist on seeing my College Transcript, go here and, once more, scroll to the bottom:
