It is a crude tale regarding a Scam, and therefore might have some appeal to the weary Law School Scam Bloggers; and especially to the under or, even worse, the unemployed, who hold a JD and now have 6 figure student loan debt. Can anyone, even the hardest Shill, not conclude that they have been gypped, hustled, ripped-off, robbed, cheated, swindled, scammed, etc?
In this story, however, there are no good guys.
The sort of stream of consciousness narrative voice was probably absorbed by me from people that I hung around, and/or worked with at the time.
*Note: I have slightly edited this post today (12/31). And with respect to all of my posts, and for the record, I am 1/4 Hungarian "Gypsy", 1/4 Irish, 1/4 German, with the last quarter comprised of English and Dutch ancestry. In short, an American Mutt.
GYPSIES
These gypsies came one day and knocked on my door and told me they could fix my driveway you know? I didn't know what they were all about so I just looked at them and for a minute or so and I just acted like I wasn't really interested in fixin' my driveway.
Then one of them says to me he says: "Hey you know we a, we a can fix your driveway. We just finished a job over nearby and we got all this extra blacktop going to waste and would you like to have us fix your driveway we noticed some awfully big potholes there and we could patch them up....you know...kind of ...patch them up. Well I figured it couldn't hurt to ask how much they wanted and I looked at him and said: "How much do you want to fix this such-and-such a hole here and that hole and all that stuff there? And so I then says to him can you take so much extra to fix up some cracks here and will you do a nice job and this that and the other thing and he says "yeah."
So then I go how much? And you know what he says, he says two-hundred twenty dollars. Of course I acted like I thought it was a lot and I told him so too right there, I didn't give a shit, and I said would he take off twenty dollars if he wouldn't fix this, or if he would do it so-so and he said allright and we had ourselves a deal and I gave him a fifty buck deposit and off he goes, leaving one skinny little guy (a real dirty little bugger) behind to chip out the holes and such. I thought this was kind of funny but I didn't say anything because it was only two o'clock and I figured they were out gettin' lunch or something.
Meanwhile I'm thinkin Geez! I hope he has enough time to finish because I had to have the driveway and parking lot open for business the following week.
A little while later I go out and ask the little fella if he wants a drink, a beer or somethin' I figured it was a hot day (Jesus was it hot that day) and maybe he would want somethin' but he had a small thermos that he pointed to and said OK and I don't think he spoke any English and so I went back inside.
So anyway later on about four o'clock or so the truck comes pulling up and out jumps all four other guys and they go to work on my driveway and parking lot and they got their shovels and they got their picks and they got their chippers and they really start goin' to town and I figured Hell! I guess they're doin' a good job if they're makin that much fuss. I watched em' though, and I was gonna speak to the main guy, you know, the gypsy, but he wasn't there (probably went to buy beer or somethin') and then my wife calls me and tells me I gotta go pick her up because her car broke down at the school where she teaches so I said to the dirty one that I'll be right back. I don't think they understood because I don't think any of them spoke any English anyway and Jesus were they sweatin' and did they smell!
So I'm down at the school a little longer than I expected because my wife had to smooth over some little kids mother who was mad because her kid was getting picked on by a bigger kid at the school. Real pissed the lady was and I don't blame her and so by the time we get back it's almost five and there's no one around and my driveway........my driveway it's got all these gigantic holes dug in it and theres one big hole in the middle of the parking lot like a crater on the moon and I says O My God! O My God this place is a mess! I look all around and the place is a God-awful mess and no one in sight. That did it for me. I was Mad! And you know the funny thing is I didn't know who to call....I mean...the guy gives me his business card earlier and there's a number on it that was scratched off, and another one written next to it in ink, but when I called that number it's always busy. I didn't know what to do. Boy was I pissed. I said Goddamn. I said.....if these guys think.....
So about five-thirty or so a knock comes on my door again and its the guy again. The Gypsy. And he's all alone. I was about to wring his neck but I says first what happened? And he looks at me real sorry, like he's real sorry and he just shakes his head sadly, like he's really sad or somethin' and looks all around at what they did. I asked him what he was going to do about it and he tells me that my parking lot is one of the worse ones that he has ever seen and it was lucky for me that he came along when he did because it was ready to cave in here and there, and someone could sue me if it does and aren't I lucky he found this out when he did. He said they had to dig out the holes wider too because otherwise the blacktop wouldn't stick to the holes or somethin' like that. But then he says they ran out of blacktop after a couple of holes. He says....that bastard stands there and says he wants to get paid too and in cash for the work he did and if I wanted he could fix the rest of the driveway and parking lot but it was going to cost me extra such-and-such an amount per hole and do you know how much extra that sonofabitch wanted? He wanted a thousand goddamn dollars to make the place look like new again and he says that I can't just get it patched anymore and now that the place is all torn up why don't I just go ahead and get it done. He says his guys could come back tomorrow the next day and do the whole thing for me for a thousand fucking dollars and it would be ready to go by Monday. Meanwhile I'm thinkin' I'm about to break the guy's neck, you know, strangle him or something.
So I looked at him and I just says, I says: "You son of a Bitch! You dirty, son of a fuckin' bitch! You come here and tell me I gotta spend a thousand dollars for a new driveway without even tellin me you were going to tear it all up and shit? And he gives me his bullshit again about how I was lucky he found out about the problems and shit and I just stepped out into the drive with him and three or four of his guys get out of the truck from where they were parked in the street, one of them has a shovel in his hand. But I didn't give a shit. I just said to him: "You dirty foreign fuckin' bastard! You come here spikin' the job with this fuckin' scam thinkin' you're gonna rip me off good with your bunch of gypsies? he denied it and started shoutin' at me too but I got up close to him like this. I'm a lot bigger than he was. (he was a real greasy, tiny little bastard.) I just stood up next to him and said no way are you gettin' any more than the fifty bucks you got from me already you sons of bastards, and I said:
"You bastards spiked the job! You Spiked The Job! I shouted at him: YOU SPIKED THE JOB!
________________________________
July 24, 2011 - 7:06 PM
Well kids, if youse have all made it this far with that obnoxious New Yorker otherwise known as Johnny JD Painterguy, I congratu-damn-late you.
And no, Johnny ain't smokin on no wacky tobaccee. He's just drinking Budweiser tall boys here and there, and a blood test will prove that PDQ.
If the truth be known, it was Cher's eulogy at Sonny's wedding that made me feel very endeared, if not fall hopelessy in love with her. But that is another story, and I am not sure if I actually have.
So......goodnight for now. And don't worry, youse all will get the Transcript of an obnoxious New Yorker to view. If you care to see it of course.
July 25, 2011 - 7:32AM
Good Morning, you magnificent bastard.
Still looking for that Transcript hey?
Well, let it never be said that some lawyer types (Ho Hum) can pe persistent as Hell, and will evn be willing to follow Painterguy around through his personal abyss in orser to find what they are seeking.
Well........OK. If you insist on seeing the Tanscript, then go here:
