I'm grumpy this morning.
Not the kind of grumpy where I walk around not saying much, but performing my duties like a good little wifey and mommy who is taking her time to wake up. I am grumpy today like a woman on the brink. What is a woman on the brink, you ask? Well...let me tell you.
A woman on the brink holds nothing back. If you look stupid in your clothes, she'll tell you. There is no holding back for the sake of feelings. Poop on that. If you azz looks huge, which it more than likely does, I'm gonna say so. Which is why when kid #1 came upstairs dressed like a moron for Sports Day, this cranky mom told him to go change. Sometimes even Spirit Week isn't worth looking like an idiot.
A woman on the brink sends her kids to school without lunch, and tells them that they have to have hot lunch because the mere thought of putting together a cold lunch in a bag that will meet their unattainable standards makes her want to put her head in the oven. Seriously. If I had a dollar fo rhow many times I've been told that so-and-so always has Oreo cakesters in his lunch, and whats-his-face's mom always gives him money to buy a blacberry soda....I would be able to afford a personal chef to meet all of their demands in a way I so obviously cannot.
A woman on the brink tells her husband that if he doesn't get into the car and leave for work
right now, she's going to be forced to punch him in the eye with a high heeled shoe. It isn't that she doesn't want him there, because normally she does, it's just that when he is home as the kids are waking up, they won't listen to her and get their butts moving, because "YAY! FUN DAD IS HOME!" so why do what mom says? Why move in a succinct motion when Fun Dad is there to tell them that they don't have to finish their breakfast or brush their teeth? Maybe because if Fun Dad were in charge, you'd be late to school every gol-damned day of your life! Just a thought...
A woman on the brink realizes that she has to be at yet another freaking appointment by 11am today, and hisses like a vampire. Not because she is tired, but because that means she is going to have to change out of her comfy sweats and tee shirt to put on something that will project the ideal
I am a caring and loving mother of four who is always put together and always enjoys every moment with her brood image that so many women I know portray. Am I the only woman who wants to be real?
Hey there, I'm Brooke Moss, and i am pissy as hell. I don't get enough sleep at night because I write after everyone falls asleep, which is quite enjoyable, because my husband snores like a mother freaking bear! What's that, you say? I should stop writing at night because I need more sleep and my family should come first? Well, then...I guess if I have to do it, too, then you should pack up all of YOUR dreams and stuff them away because your family should come first. That means, if your dream is to someday become a Rockette, then pack away your heels, baby, because being a mama to your ungrateful kids, and making casseroles for your picky husband should be completely fullfilling no matter what you've been dreaming of your whole life!Okay. I think I've gotten my point across. You know, I am actually sitting here typing this and praying for my daughter to come upstairs with a scratchy throat, so that she can skip school and I can go back to bed. And no, that isn't really going to happen. Because today my life is incredibly condescending.
Booooo. A woman on the brink should always be allowed to go back to bed.
Brooke Moss.
