I am in a pickle.
I don't want to post the details on here, because I am still blog-stalked by old writing partners and I don't feel like sharing with the likes of that rif-raf...so it should be sufficient to say that because of an interesting turn of events, my agent appointment at the conference (which is less than 2 weeks away--eeeep!) will be interesting, to say the least.
So here is my pickle...or maybe I should call it a panic attack:
I am sick with nerves. Like, literally, sick with nerves. I had the flu (again) this weekend, and now I can't quite shake it. Not because I am still sick, because I'm not. But because every time I THINK about going to this conference and pitching my work, I feel like I need to vomit.
I want to succeed. I know I don't have to be published in order to do so, but I
want to. My nerd and I have discussed this, at length, and it's been decided that even if I never get published, I will keep writing. For my own sake, and for the sake of my legion of 26 "fans". But that doesn't magically erase my need to achieve something greater. To be able to say that I did it, when so many others never do. (Though a few say they do, when they don't, which is a blog entry of its own.)
So there is a lot riding on this agent appointment. Mind you, more than likely, nothing will come of it. I am a realist, and I prefer not to dilute myself. However...there is that one chance. That one miracle that could happen, and I could spark the interest of an agent. Now, because of this "pickle" I am in, I feel like even more odds are stacked up against me. It's like kicking me when I am already part of the way down.
Ok, no more pity party. I am going to brush myself off and chill. I am going to make myself some mexican hot chocolate and brush myself off. I am going to push through the nausea and force myself to keep writing. Just like Dory said, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Nice. Now I am bat sh*t crazy, and I am quoting Disney characters. I don't even like Disney characters any more than the next person. Once I am done brushing myself off, maybe I will look into some counseling.
Brooke Moss.
