I've jumped back into dating. I feel weird admitting it, it seems quite fickle of me to be dating less than a week after a break-up. I feel cold and heartless. Well that's not true, I don't feel cold and heartless, I fear it looks cold and heartless. He mattered to me. I felt like we had a potential future. So why is it I'm seeing other men so quickly?
1. I'm worried if I don't move on quickly, I won't move on. I liked him a lot.
2. I realize the relationship has too many complicating factors and probably isn't the best one for me.
3. I want to feel desired.
4. I want a partner in crime.
5. I'm not getting any younger.
6. I have a lot to give. I enjoyed giving it in this last relationship. I miss that.
7. I like to have fun.
8. I like the adventure of dating.
9. I need more material for my book.
10. My friends live vicariously through me. I owe it to them.
I have had one date already, last Saturday. Only three days after the official break-up. This fellow I'd seen once before and he was smitten with me. I liked him, he'd make a great friend. I'm pretty sure he's not someone for me romantically. I'm not going to lead him into thinking otherwise. I would be interested in doing things with him (non sexual) and if he can be okay with this, I'm willing.
My next date is tomorrow evening. We've talked over four hours on the phone already. I should have exercised caution here. Most men find me really interesting on the phone and I think rapport is established too soon and expectations get too high. I'm so open and willing to talk about most subjects I think false intimacy develops before chemistry is tested. This leads to greater disappointment if the spark isn't there. Should have held back on this one. Too late, we meet tomorrow.
This coming Saturday I've been challenged by a an online dater to go to a prestigious, cock-tail party at a private, penthouse apartment to test my spontaneous nature. I've accepted the dare. I love to dress up and easily mix with people. My sister is freaking out. She thinks I'll be drugged, raped and sold on the black market. I'm like, "honey, they would be going for younger if that was the plan." That said caution will be applied. I'll take my own vehicle and I have asked that I meet the 'stranger' an hour before the party to see if I get weird vibes.
I do worry how this looks, this immediate launch back into relationship potential. I feel it shows I wasn't loyal to the last guy, that I'm fickle. Not true. I had strong feelings for him. I am loyal as they come. I'm steady. I've also been dumped. I can't hope and pray he'll see the mistake he made.
Wish me luck.
