Have you seen the new show Dating in the Dark? If you have skip the next paragraph cuz you know what it's aboot (in Canadian speak).
The show has three men and three women getting to know each other without ever seeing each other in person. The six of them start off in a pitch black room and introduce each other. I've seen shows where the men and women get to go through each other's purses and wallets or even see what they wear to bed to get a sense of who the people are. They decide who they'd like private dates with and again enter the dark room. A night camera picks up the action. At the end of the show they decide who they want to see revealed in the light based on connection not looks.
Here's the thing. And it's a biggie.
Appearance matters.
Almost without fail if the man or woman has made a connection and then is disappointed in the look of their potential partner they decide not to continue a relationship. The people on the show are never ugly. They have different body weights but at the most the women could be described as thick not fat.
On one show all three women picked the same guy to see in the light. The other two dudes were left in the dark (no pun intended...k a little one). The guy they chose to see was a very nice guy and quite attractive, however he was very young looking for his age. He also decided to wear a poorly fitted suit for his reveal which resulted in him looking like he was wearing his dad's clothes (ya this guy). All three women who really liked him prior to the reveal once they saw him decided not to go on out with him in person after the show. I've seen the same thing happen with men who pick a chick and then see her and decide she's not for them.What I really think happens is they've formulated an idea of what the person looks like before they've met them. They have ideas of what they find attractive in looks, dress and demeanor. The only thing they're privy to in dating in the dark is personality and kissing. Not to underestimate kissing mind you but in spite of hot kissing prior to the reveal the actual person's appearance will stop them cold. One episode had a sketch artist draw what the dates thought their date would look like. They had very real images without even talking to their partner about what they looked like! When they actually saw they looked nothing like they imagined, although attractive ,they lost interest. Men in particular would say "she's not my type".
What does this have to do with me? Glad you asked.
Online dating is very much like dating in the dark. Case in point my most recent dating experience. I liked his profile (words on a page), I liked his voice (on the phone) and I liked how he communicated. I formed an image of him and my excitement grew. He wasn't a terrible man, didn't have any terrible flaws that I could see, he was simply not what I imagined. Online dating is artificial attraction and the real truth only comes out in the meeting.
When we meet someone in person first and feel attraction this is much more of a normal process than the artificial world of online dating. Attraction builds interest which builds relationship. Online dating is interest (profile), relationship (email/phone) and then attraction. Back asswards.
My future man will enter a room ahead of me simply by his presence alone. (In real life all men, even in passing, who I'm remotely attracted to have this quality). He whether through game or natural ability will make me feel like I'm fortunate to be with him, not the other way round. This is not to say he will look down on me, he won't. He will be pleased I look good on his arm and am interesting as a companion (and am a freak in the sheets - heh). He however will be confident of his charm and general overall attractiveness and not feel the need to please my every whim, nor even every second one.
It pains me to say that the fellow from last night seems...how do I say this and not come off as concieted? I feel like I could do better. There I've said it. I may be totally delusional too. I mean really who am I? Who do I think I am? What even makes me feel like I have better options when clearly I've been dating for awhile and have not found a partner? What the hell! I confound myself.
I wonder if its because he's quite smitten with me. Does this smitteness mean that if he's into me so quickly then heck I could get another man easily? Am I fooled simply because of his interest? Or is it because I'm simply not one bit physically attracted? I did not want him to make a move to kiss me and kind of stuck close to the car door as we wrapped up our conversation. Perhaps that was a mistake. Perhaps if I'd been more receptive he'd actually have been a very good kisser and I'd have become attracted. Or maybe he just needed to insist on kissing me. Hard to say really.
He's been texting me throughout the evening. Last one said "I'm looking forward to seeing you again, we'll have some fun! Still excited about the apartment??". I feel guilty for not being happy to see his text in my inbox (not a sexual joke).
I have decided to see him again, I feel I owe him AND myself that chance.
Sadly I don't have the same excitement.
Should mention Doug believes I should have worn contacts (pic above taken on date night). I'm not so sure - perhaps I would have recieved a proposal! (wink wink)
